Long Journey Back
by MonaDelMar
Summary: A possible re-union between Neela and Ray some time during Season 15. May contain spoilers for season 15. Disclaimer: The Characters in this story are the property of NBC and producers of ER. This particular story is however my own.
1. Airbourne

It was 3pm and they had been airborne for almost an hour. At this rate, they would be in a taxi en route to their hotel by 4pm.

Sitting comfortably in First Class, Drs Lucien Dubenko and Neela Rasgotra had been discussing their presentation since before take-off and the time had flown. Lucien was glad he had invited Neela to attend the conference with him. Not only had it taken a huge burden of pressure off him, it was also an excellent opportunity for his favourite protégé so early in her career.

Thankfully they were not giving their joint presentation until tomorrow afternoon so they would have time to put the final touches this evening after the opening session. If they needed to fine-tune anything, there would be time. He noticed Neela was getting more and more distracted the nearer they got to their destination, he put it down to a combination of nerves and tiredness. After all she had just come off a 36 hour shift, showered, changed, collected her things and headed to the airport.

Poor Neela, this was completely insensitive of him, she had not even had something to eat. " Sorry Neela, we should stop now, we can finish up later, I'll just call one of the cabin crew so that we can order lunch. Ah! The pleasure of flying First Class."

"No, no, I'm fine, honest."

But Lucien insisted.

Neela sighed.

She really would have preferred the distraction.

Ever since Dustin Crenshaw had told her last week that she would be accompanying Lucien to the conference on advanced micro surgery, she had been living on her nerves. She should have been over the moon at the prospect of being joint presenter of a paper at a major conference and she was. But instead of focussing on it, all she could think of was, "I'll be in New Orleans for 3 days, I have to contact him." Every time she thought this, she could feel a giant knot tightening in her stomach. What if he refused to see her, she would surely die. And so, here she was en route to New Orleans and she had not even contacted him yet.

In the beginning, after their respective accidents, they had e-mailed frequently, at least twice a week. But gradually the e-mails dropped off and now they averaged once a month. He continued to keep her well informed about his progress and she knew he had been walking unaided for quite some time now. He was working part time in an ER in Baton Rouge but had mentioned nothing about returning to Chicago. That saddened her.

She knew her e-mails had become more and more distant but the truth was her life was so boring she had nothing new to tell him. Her life revolved around work and home. Work had consumed so much of her time over the past year that she really did not have time for a social life. But she was embarrassed to tell Ray that. His life seemed to be so full right now. He was busy with work, busy with rehab but most of all busy with family and friends. She felt empty when she thought of just how full his life was.

The food arrived and she was surprisingly hungry. The accompanying wine was a welcome anaesthetic. She knew, she shouldn't really but she wasn't giving her presentation until the following day and she really needed to unwind. After her food, she dozed and soon they were making their descent into New Orleans. The next twenty minutes went by in a flurry of collecting luggage and getting a taxi.

Soon they were in their taxi heading for downtown New Orleans. Lucien sat back into the air conditioned comfort of the taxi. It was hot and humid outside. He noted that Neela was still very remote. She did not seem to be stressing about the presentation but there was something definitely bothering her.

If the truth be known, although professionally outstanding, Neela had really not been herself for a very long time. Not since Michael's death over two years ago in fact. If that in itself was not enough to cope with, she had been seriously injured herself the following year and he knew that Gregg Pratt's recent death had been another body blow. In addition, her best friend Abby had just moved to Boston so it was no wonder the poor girl was looking a little sad and remote. Somewhere in the midst of all that Ray Barnett had also had a most horrific accident and although the nature of her relationship with Ray was never clear this had had a profound affect on her also. All in all, the past two years or so had been a right roller coaster for Neela.

They followed the exit sign for Baton Rouge and he heard a faint gasp escape her. He was perturbed. " Neela, are you OK?" she was deathly pale. "I'm fine." She replied with a wan smile. "….just feeling exhausted, I guess its time I had some time off."

"I've been saying that for some time now. I really don't want to see any of my staff getting ill from overwork. You should consider taking a break and heading home."

"Sorry", the driver explained, "we've to take a slight detour. The main route into the city has been blocked by a major traffic accident which will not be cleared for hours. I'm just taking this exit to join another highway into the city.

Lucien frowned in puzzlement. It was definitely the sign for Baton Rouge that upset her, but who did she know in Baton Rouge?? Suddenly, he recalled a slight southern twang and the light dawned. Well one phone call would confirm his suspicions. But right now they needed to get to their hotel and get freshened up for their orientation programme. Thankfully traffic was running smoothly and they were making good time.


	2. Hey Little Sister!

When they arrived at the hotel, they went to their respective rooms to shower and order a snack from room service before heading downstairs for the orientation at 6pm. Then after one presentation from 7-8pm they were free until 9am the following morning. Lucien suggested that they go to a little Bistro around the corner for something light to eat and a nightcap. She really would have preferred to go straight to her room for a bath and bed but she did not want to be rude.

Despite herself she found the atmosphere on the street starting to mellow her and the little Bistro was quaint and cosy. They had two beers while they waited for their food and soon Neela was chatting happily with Lucien totally oblivious to where she was or who she was afraid she might bump into. Big deal, she'd cope, and anyhow what were the chances? The food arrived and they ate with gusto. When they were finished they sat and chatted over another beer. Neela was so relaxed and happy that Lucien was reluctant to spoil the atmosphere. While he was in his room before the conference, he had phoned Chicago and spoken to his friend Suzy in HR. She had confirmed what he already suspected. Now all that remained was to broach the subject as subtly as possible.

"Neela?" "Yes, Lucien."

"Isn't Ray Barnett from New Orleans?"

He noticed her tense visibly.

"No. He's from Baton Rouge."

"Much the same thing really when you've travelled over 900 miles. Baton Rouge is hardly a million miles from here."

Despite herself she smiled. "Well, when you put it like that!"

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Are you planning to meet up with him?"

She looked perplexed.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Have you contacted him?"

"No. Not yet. I... I had such short notice and so much to organise."

"Don't you think you're cutting it a bit fine?"

She shrugged.

"Neela, I've never asked questions but I know that what you and Ray had, was at the very least, a very precious friendship, something worth holding onto."

"You don't know anything Lucien," she responded bitterly.

"I know this much, if I had not made a fool of myself and declared my love for you last year, I would still be labouring under the illusion that there was something there between you and I. As it is, I've been able to move on and become your friend and mentor and hold onto our friendship and your respect."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes but said nothing.

"You need to do the same; you need to enable yourself to move on from the past two years. Sometimes confronting your demons head on makes you realise how insignificant they really are."

She shook her head.

"Lucien, I'm sorry, I can't do this right now."

With this she stood up and hurried out of the restaurant.

Lucien sat staring into space for a long time as he finished his beer. He had only just now realised how troubled Neela was and that saddened him. He realised that all the conversations with Neela over the last few months had been going round in circles and at the centre of every circle was Ray Barnett, a topic she refused to address or discuss. He really hoped he had done the right thing bringing it up like that. He had not been aware of quite how emotionally fragile she was. But he also knew Neela needed to stop procrastinating. Her personal life had been on hold for far too long.

As he stood up to leave, he spotted her phone and lipstick lying on the table. They must have fallen out of her purse. He sat down again and picked up her phone. He knew he probably should not but he opened it and went to her contact list. He checked her list of contacts and forwarded Ray's contact number to his phone. You'd never know when it might prove useful.

On his way back to his room, he called by hers to return her phone and lipstick.

"Neela, its Lucien, can you open the door, I've got you phone and lipstick?"

"Just a minute!" Eventually, the door opened. "Sorry. I was just running a bath."

"Are you OK?"

"Yes. Sorry I ran off like that."

"No need to appologise."

"I ..."  
"Good. Well!"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to call him?"

Her shoulders slumped.

"I can't. I... I just can't."

"What are you afraid of Neela?"

"That … that he won't want to see me, … … that … that he hates me," The end of the sentence was almost lost as she dissolved in tears.

Lucien came in and shut the door, he led her to the bed and sat her down and held her in his arms for what seemed like a very long time. Eventually, she stopped crying and they just sat in silence as he rubbed her back as you would a small child. She continued to hiccough occasionally. When had he become a father figure to her, he wondered? Had that always been the case, but his ego had refused to see himself in the role?

"Right young lady, it's almost 10.30pm, here's what we're going to do."

He picked up the breakfast menu.

"First, you're going to order breakfast in bed for 7.30 in the morning." Neela obediently picked up the phone and rang through her breakfast order. "Now go check your bath while I get us a drink."

He went to the mini bar, took out a brandy, and split it between two brandy glasses. He was holding the two glasses when she returned to the bedroom. He handed her one and clinked the glasses.

"Here's to new beginnings!" He palmed the glass of golden liquid and sipped slowly. She did the same.

"I've a small conference room booked for 8am so that we can run through our presentation and iron out any last-minute glitches and check that our software is compatible. So just make your way down in the morning whenever you're ready."

Neela nodded.

"Neela."

"Yes."

"Sorry if my meddling upset you."

"No. Lucien, it actually felt good to finally admit the problem. I don't think I'd even acknowledged to myself what it was. I'm feeling loads better."

"I know you've some holidays owing. Maybe you should consider taking a few extra days down here, just hang out and decide if you want to look up some old friends."

"Maybe I should but I just don't know if I have the courage."

"Neela, I'm sure Ray would love to see you. In fact if I were him I would feel rather hurt if I thought you'd been in town and hadn't at least contacted me. Look. Sorry. I'm putting pressure on again. Off you go, or your bath will be cold. I'll see you at 8am."

"Good night Lucien and thanks, you've been like …"

"I know," he interrupted "a father!"

"No. I was going to say my big brother."

"Now I feel so … o . much better. Well good night little sister until the morning. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek.


	3. The Eleventh Hour

Lucien returned to his room. It had been a long day and he was exhausted. He wondered should he do this one last thing before going to bed or had he already meddled too much? To think it was usually women who got accused of being interfering busybodies.

Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, he thought.

He held his phone. It was 10.40pm.

It was rather late but hopefully if Ray was on early shift he had his phone switched off and he wouldn't disturb him. He dialled the number and waited. It answered after two rings, "Ray Barnett."

"Hello Ray. Sorry for phoning at this late hour. I hope I didn't disturb you."

"No. Not at all, I'm just on my way home from work. Who is this?"

"Its Lucien Dubenko."

"Dr. Dubenko, h-hello. H-how are things in Chicago?"

"Fine."

"Thank God!" the relief was obvious in his tone, "I thought for one awful minute something else bad had happened up there. The last time anyone phoned was when Pratt …"

"No. Nothing like that this time … …"

"So. Why are you calling?"

"Look Ray. I hope you'll not be annoyed. I'm, well I'm interfering actually. Its just that I'm concerned about Neela."

"Is she OK?" Lucien could detect no coldness in Ray's tone, only concern.

"Well. Yes and no."

"That's fairly ambiguous!"

"Sorry. Look before we continue how are you keepin'? I know things have been fairly rough for you the past year also."

"Thanks for asking Dr …"

"Please call me Lucien."

"I'm doin' real well Lucien. I've been walking unaided for the past six months. I've been taking some shifts at a local hospital over the last three months and I've just been talking to my doctor about increasing my hours. I'm over the worst of my trauma and getting used to my new life. Things are really pretty good at the moment."

"Any plans to go back to Chicago?"

Ray laughed.

"No Lucien. That's most unlikely. I'm buildin' a good life down here. My family have been a great support over the past year and I don't want to move away right now. Look, you phoned to talk about Neela. Why are you concerned about her?"

"Well Ray, we're attending a conference together and over dinner this evening you came up in conversation. I just did not like her reaction. I think she blames herself for some reason for your accident."

The phone line went silent, and then Lucien heard a deep sigh.

"Ray, you surely don't hold her in any way responsible for what happened, do you?"

"Of course not but I think I know how she came to the conclusion that I do. … …The only time she visited me in hospital after the accident I told her I was checking a voice-mail from her when I got hit. … I … I got really upset when I was telling her about it. … … Shit! … She's probably been carrying the guilt all this time. Well after that, things got kinda nasty… … I was just so mean to her that day in the hospital I told her she'd never come to see me ..."

"You told her not to come to see you?!"

"No. No, she suggested she should visit me and I … well … I told her to stop making promises she wasn't going to keep. I was goading her really. … … … It sounds pretty callous now but I was so angry with the world back then and a lot of my anger was directed towards her."

"Your whole world had just been torn asunder. You were hardly in a rational frame of mind."

"Yeah. I didn't ever see myself being as well as I am now. Thank God I was wrong. … … … … … ..Look Lucien. … … This is awful. … … … … I've been busy getting on with my life and I've just presumed that she's been doing the same. The only solution I can see is if Neela and I could meet. But there's no way I can get up to Chicago any time soon."

"Ray. The conference is in New Orleans."

"What?"

Ray could feel his temper rising and Lucien, the other end of the line could sense the tension.

"You mean Neela's in New Orleans and she didn't bother to tell me?"

"Ray, this is not entirely her fault. I only invited her to join me for this presentation at the 11th hour. I never told her where it was on until I gave her the itinerary the day before yesterday. Please take it easy. Like I said, she's been stressing about calling you. So you getting annoyed is not going to help matters"

"Sorry Lucien. You're right, I'm being childish. Old habits die hard I guess. How long is the conference?"

"Its on tomorrow and Friday. We finish at 4pm on Friday and our flight is at 9pm. I'm rostered to work the week-end but as far as I know Neela has a few days off."

"Meaning?"

"Nothing. Its just itineraries can be changed if needs be."

Ray laughed.

Thank God. Lucien thought.

"When is your presentation and I'll try and work around that."

"Tomorrow at 3pm. But there are presentations up until 7pm tomorrow evening."

"Look. Expect me when you see me. Are you going to say anything to Neela?"

"No. But you don't need to keep this phone call a secret if you don't want. By the way Ray, there is every possibility that Neela will phone you herself. She just needs to pluck up the courage."

"Why?"

"She's afraid you'll refuse to see her. Ray. She's fragile. Be careful what you say if she phones."

"Right. See ya then and Lucien thanks for calling."

That went quite well, Lucien thought. Now, please God, let Neela not be angry. It was almost 11pm, time he turned in for the night.


	4. 50 minutes, 50 feet

After her bath, Neela got a surprisingly good night's sleep. She was only just awake when breakfast was delivered shortly before 7.30am. She thought about phoning Ray. It suddenly did not seem like such a daunting task anymore. Nonetheless, she decided it was better to leave it until after her presentation.

After a quick shower, she dressed and applied her make-up and was in the little conference room by 8am. They went through the presentation quickly and reorganised a few slides. Their software seemed to be compatible with the hotel software and they were finished by 8.40am. Just time to grab a quick cup of coffee and find a seat before the conference started. There were over 400 delegates. Each presentation was followed by a 10 min Q&A. Most presentations, including theirs were 50 minutes long. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology nothing was too boring.

There was a ten minute coffee break at 11.30am followed by two 30 min presentations and 2 Q&As. They broke for lunch shortly before 1pm and reconvened again for 2pm. The lunch break whizzed by and they were soon standing at the podium preparing for their presentation. 50 minutes of hell awaited. In what seemed like an instant, they were through the PowerPoint presentation and on to the Q&A. It went surprisingly smoothly and before she knew it, it was over and they were back at their table. They smiled a congratulatory smile at each other and Neela grabbed her bag and excused herself. She needed a break and she needed to phone Ray. She knew now she couldn't leave Louisiana without seeing him even if it meant staying a few extra days. It had been so good talking to Lucien last night. It helped clarify so much.

She walked through the conference centre door and across the foyer to a balcony. She opened her phone, selected his number from the phonebook and it started to ring. For some strange reason, she could hear the phone ringing in stereo. It rang eight times and she was sure it was about to go to voice mail when he answered.

"Hey Roomie, that was an impressive presentation just now. I'm not sure quite how much I took in; I must get you to explain it to me again sometime."

"Wh …wh… I … Y …you were there? … … … … … … Where are you now?"

"Turn around."

She turned and there he was, leaning against a pillar just outside the conference room door. There was less than 50 feet between them but she could not move. Her eye filled with tears.

He looked good, different, but good. He'd put on weight and was more muscular but it suited him. He was tanned and fit looking. His hair was longer than she ever remembered. He was dressed in baggy combat pants and a button down shirt. He was not quite Doc Rock anymore, he was more mature looking but he looked good. She had never known him looking so calm and relaxed.

She remained transfixed as he ambled towards her open phone still to his ear.

"Hi!" he smiled as he closed his phone and put it away. Then he was there. He folded her in an enormous bear hug and she breathed in his smell. God, how she'd missed him. They simply held each other, nothing more. For the first time in a long time, she felt safe and relaxed. For a short while she could believe that the last two and a half years had never happened. But of course they had.

He took her hand and led her toward a bench. The way he looked at her was different, kinder, and gentler somehow. That haunted, demanding searching look was gone as was the anger. He asked her about Chicago and she told him how busy she had been with work.

"By the way, Neela, thank-you for phoning to tell me about Pratt. I would have liked to be there but I had commitments here I couldn't get out of." There would be time later, he hoped, to tell her about his new resident's position. Now was not that time.

He was aware of just how fragile she was and how emotionally, he was stronger and more grounded at this juncture. All the post-op counselling had paid off after all, he thought sardonically. They talked some more about Pratt and what a shock his death had been and about how much they would miss him. He had kept in regular contact with Ray but had never discussed the fact with Neela. But then again, she had never mentioned to anybody that she was in contact with him either.

Pratt had filled in a lot of the blanks left by Neela's increasingly sparse e-mails. Thanks to Pratt, Ray was in fact much better informed about the comings and goings at county than Neela yet realised!

Just then Lucien appeared and Ray stood to shake his hand.

"Hello Ray, fancy meeting you here."

"That was an impressive presentation just then."

"Thanks, it helped that there were two of us."

"Yes, you two sure make quite a team."

Neela smiled as she noticed his more pronounced southern twang.

"What are your plans for the evening?" Lucien asked.

"Well, unfortunately, I'm working the graveyard shift tonight so I need to be home by 8pm to get ready." He looked at Neela. "I could meet up with you tomorrow afternoon before you leave or may I make a suggestion. I'm not working again until Monday afternoon. If you could swing the time off, why don't you stay a few extra days?"

Lucien turned to Neela.

"If my memory serves me correctly, you're not rostered again until Sunday. Furthermore I've been nagging you to take a few days' holidays for the past ages. We can phone and organise it tomorrow if you want."

Neela laughed.

"Lucien, do you realise you are the only boss I've ever had who encourages me to take holidays!!"

"That, my dear is because you have turned into a pathetic workaholic!"

Neela smiled but deep down she knew, that sadly he was speaking the truth. Surgery was a hard graft but she had really been taking it to the extreme. Strange, it now felt as if these two men had been plotting behind her back. But that wasn't possible, surely? They barely knew each other back in county. There would be no way they were in contact with each other.

Lucien looked at his watch. It was almost 4pm. There was another 15min coffee break due and then 3 more presentations.

"Neela, there are three more presentations left this afternoon but only the last one is relevant to our branch of surgery. Why don't you head off with Ray for an hour or so and meet me back her at six?"

"Hey! That would be nice. I'll give you a whistle-stop tour of the Big Easy!! How about it?" Ray asked.

"That's the best offer I've had in a while." Neela smiled.

The next hour and a half went by in a flurry of colour and excitement. Early October was a great time of year to see New Orleans. It was not quite as sticky and humid as at other times of year. Ray suggested that they could go to the flood damaged areas the following day if Neela wished. Maybe Lucien might like to join them.

At 5.45pm Ray pulled up outside the hotel.

"Well. What have you decided?"

Neela looked puzzled. "About what?"

"Are you going to extend your stay?"

She laughed! "You've twisted my arm. I can hardly come to New Orleans and not visit Baton Rouge. So yes, I'll talk to Lucien."

"Good. That's settled then, I'll meet you in the foyer at 4pm tomorrow evening. I'd better get going or I'll be late for work." As she got out of the car he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.Then he put the car into drive waited for her to close the door and with that he was gone.


	5. Lost phonecall

Ray was quiet on his return journey to Baton Rouge. He had mixed emotions about the afternoon. It really had been wonderful to see Neela and he really was looking forward to having her to stay for the weekend. He was so grateful that Lucien had called. But it was his Roomie, his best friend that he was looking forward to spending time with, he was not sure if he was ready for a romantic interlude at this juncture or even if he wanted to go there with Neela anymore.

Since his accident, he had no desire to be intimate or rather, if he were perfectly honest, he was afraid of being intimate. He hated people seeing how vulnerable he really was. He had overcome so much but that was one obstacle he had not tackled. He knew from his counselling sessions that, that would take time.

He had learned a lot about himself in the course of the past year and had faced some uncomfortable truths. He acknowledged he was vain and that he liked to look good. He was also very independent and much more of a loner than he realised. He still found it hard to ask for help and to accept there were times he could not manage on his own. This had made it very difficult to let down his guard and he felt more comfortable when people did not know about his disability which meant that he was now much slower to open up to people.

Yes, he'd had some close encounters in the past year, in fact some very pleasant close encounters but nothing had ever gone past a kiss, a cuddle and some heavy petting. What a difference, he thought, as he smiled to himself. Where had Doc Rock, sex god extraordinaire gone? Neela would be amused if she knew about his new celibate lifestyle. He knew it would not last forever, but for now, he was patient and just taking one day at a time. Patience was a virtue he had learnt since his accident.

He frowned then as he thought back to the dreadful day when last he met Neela. He realised now that he had been unnecessarily cruel but he could blame it on the meds and on the trauma.

It was exactly a week after the accident. During that time his parents and Katey had boxed up his life, cancelled his rental agreement and utilities bills, contacted HR to organise a leave of absence and started legal proceedings against the truck company. All that time he had remained helpless and useless in his hospital bed. He had never felt so powerless in his entire adult life. He was totally dependant on others for his every need. Even today, it brought tears to his eyes when he thought of his sheer helplessness and lack of control back then.

For the first time since he was a child other people were making decisions with regard to his future. As it transpired, these decisions had been for the best. The more time that went by, the more he realised that he had needed to get away from Chicago. He had been stuck in a bit of a rut before he left. He now realised that his attraction to Neela had become a bit of an obsession and he wondered at some level if it had been the desire for something, he could not have that had driven him.

It had been good when they were roommates. He liked how they had looked out for each other. After she had left, he had felt lost and missed her influence, missed the way she acted like his conscience. But when all was said and done, he was a big boy and was well able to figure out right from wrong by himself. This past year he had started to do just that, taking charge and making sensible decisions about his present and his future. It was not like in Chicago where he had seemed to stumble from one crisis to the next, very often living by the seat of his pants.

He thought back to that horrible final week in Chicago. Strange how most people struggle all their lives to remember the events surrounding a traumatic accident and suffer a lot of anxiety because they can't. He, on the other hand would give anything to be able to blot out the memory of the events of that dreadful night and the subsequent few days but they were etched on his memory forever. He supposed in time they would become less painful.

He remembered jumping to the side as the truck bore down on him and being caught a glancing blow. He was thrown ahead of the truck and fell forward onto the sidewalk. Thankfully he did not hit his head on the pavement but his legs were caught under the wheels. He remembered vividly the excruciating pain as the truck rolled over his lower limbs. He blacked out as it started to drag him. Then he came to as someone was giving orders to pull him out from under the truck bed. He screamed at them to stop, that he was a doctor and to wait for the paramedics. Thank God somebody listened.

When the paramedics arrived, he asked them to bring him to County General but of course, the ER was closed. They asked what his second choice was but he didn't have one. Mercy was closest so they went there.

In the ambulance the paramedics did an assessment and concurred with what he already suspected, a sprained left wrist, two possible broken ribs, some minor facial lacs and some severe grazing on his shoulders back and torso. By far the most severe were the crush injuries to his legs. In addition to the injuries he was losing a lot of blood and was in danger of bleeding out. He was not stupid, he knew the possibility of saving both his legs was slim; the possibility of saving even one was going to be very difficult. The pain was excruciating and he could feel himself drifting in and out of consciousness.

Because he had so much alcohol in his system they were reluctant to administer anaesthetic to operate immediately. They waited five hours. Although nobody ever acknowledged it, he knew that it was this time delay that probably cost him his legs. The outlook had never been very good but that time delay finished whatever chance had remained. His own stupid fault and something he had to live with.

From day one he repeated the mantra 'I am lucky to be alive' and he knew he was. He also knew his injuries could have been a lot worse. Internal injuries would have finished him. It was this knowledge that kept him strong, kept him focussed and moving forward toward full recovery.

The staff at the hospital had been wonderful. Once they realised he was an ER doctor, they consulted him at every juncture. They operated first to try and save his legs but less than 24 hours later he was back in theatre again. Both legs were turning septic. He made the decision not to wait; he knew he stood to lose a lot more by delaying. Ironically, making that cold, clinical decision gave him a sense of control over his life. It was his decision, he was in charge of his life. So it was that despite everybody's best efforts, he agreed to have both legs amputated below the knees. 29 years of age and a double amputee, even now the thought made him shudder.

Thankfully he had overcome the initial horror and now he was thriving. He had met most of the crucial milestones ahead of time. He had so much to tell Neela about the last few months. It would be good to really talk about all the triumphs and frustrations.

After his second operation, Katey was there. She had been fantastic, gentle, caring, and undemanding. She was so unlike the angry, jilted ex-lover of a few weeks before. His reunion with her had been painful. He could not bear to see the pity and discomfort in her eyes. He begged her not to tell anybody at county, he just couldn't face their pitying looks as well. She promised she wouldn't tell and she also made it clear that she was there simply as a friend.

She genuinely did not want anything more. That was a huge relief as he had enough complications in his life. She rarely left his side until his parents arrived late the following day. It had taken some time to reach them as they were in Europe on vacation, the first foreign vacation they had taken in years. What an end to a dream holiday?

That reunion, four days after his accident, had been particularly painful. He and his mother cried like babies and his father was not much better. But that was all in the past now, thank God. Thankfully the painkillers had him so spaced that he slept a lot of the time that first week and was able to forget. It was true what they said; sleep really did help heal both body and soul. However every time he woke up he was thrown into shock again, as he once more took stock of his changed circumstances.

He wondered sometimes why Neela hadn't come, but figured that was just typical her, running scared unable to face up to a difficult situation. He had too much else to contend with to really give her more than a passing thought although he acknowledged bitterly that it hurt that she had not bothered to check up on him.

Suddenly, a week had gone by and he was preparing to go home. Home, he had no home at present. His lease was terminated and his apartment had been cleared out. Chicago was no longer home but nor could he consider Baton Rouge home. For now he was returning to his parent's home. Well for the first two weeks he would be at a Rehab facility that his dad had organised. After that he would be home and attending Rehab as an outpatient. He dreaded the unknown. He dreaded the loneliness as he struggled through the next few months.

It was the evening before his departure. His parents had already left for their hotel and he and Katey were talking quietly about all and sundry. He was finally feeling stronger. He could feel himself healing and could finally imagine a more positive future. Strange, he thought, with a sardonic smile, they made far better friends than lovers. She saw him smile and asked what he was smiling at. At first he refused to tell her but she insisted.

"Really Katey, let it drop." he said.

"No way. Come on Doc. Rock, what were you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"Ray I'm not that sensitive. I bet I know what you were thinking."

"You couldn't!"

"What if I was thinking the same thing?"

He frowned at her.

"Yes Ray, we make far better friends than we ever did lovers," she laughed.

His face gave the game away. She dissolved in laughter at his look of horror but soon he was laughing too.

This was the first time he had laughed since the accident and although it hurt his ribs, it felt good. It was cathartic. Finally, a sense of normality was returning.

She said, "We really didn't work did we?"

"It was good while it lasted but … …"

She saw the faraway look and she knew whom he was thinking of. She squeezed his hand.

He became serious again.

"Katey."

"Yeah!"

"Thanks for everything." He felt tears welling. "Please promise me you'll keep in touch."

She grasped his hand. "Of course I'll stay in touch."

He released her hand and placed both his hands over his heart as he declared in mock-pathos.

"And feel free to regale me with your romantic conquests I … I … won't be offended. Anyhow I think I deserve it after what I've put you through."

"Ray!!" she looked at him in mock-horror. They dissolved in laughter again.

They sat quietly for a while. He could see she was mulling over something but he knew better than to ask, so he just sat in silence and waited. Eventually she spoke.

"I met Neela yesterday."

"Yeah," he responded nonchalantly. Who was he fooling!?

"Look, she's not exactly my favourite person and I hold her responsible for what has happened to you but I felt bad lying to her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's really worried about you Ray. She's been phoning you every day. She's phoned your parents too but of course they're not there and she's even been to your apartment so she knows you haven't been home. She must have been there before we cleared it out. Ray, if you won't contact her, can I please tell her."

"Katey, the hospital already contacted her the day after my accident."

"Well I don't think she got the message. She genuinely has no idea what's happened to you."

One of the nurses popped her head around the door.

"Sorry Katey visiting time is long over and our patient needs his rest. He has a big day ahead of him tomorrow."

"Yeah. Sorry. Look, I'll see you tomorrow."

She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

"Katey!" "Yes, Ray!" "You're a good person Katey Alvaro." She smiled as she left.

After Katey left, he pondered what she had told him for a long time. Was it possible that Neela had no idea what had happened to him?

He tried to recollect what had happened in those first few days after his accident but he had been so out of it with painkillers as well as still being in shock that it was hard to recall the order of events.

It was toward the end of the second day that they had finally decided that amputation was the only option. As they were prepping for theatre, somebody told him that they had finally located his parents in Sardinia but it would be at least another 24-36 hours before they got here. Another 24 hours on his own, he didn't think he could hack it.

That was when he decided to contact someone. Abby was away on honeymoon so Neela, Morris or Pratt were the obvious choices. He asked one of the nurses to fetch his phone. But the nurse told him he could not use his phone in the hospital as there was no coverage except in the external corridors and walkways.

He had no choice he asked him to make the call. His head said Pratt, his heart said Neela, he went with his heart. He asked him to call her and gave him the details. Her name was in the list of contacts in his phone. He just had to select her name and dial. Was it possible he never phoned? But no after the operation he confirmed he had made the phone call. This was a puzzle and he was too tired to think more about it tonight. That last painkiller was starting to fog his concentration and so he turned over to try to get some sleep. Tomorrow was going to be tough.

He woke at 7am feeling surprisingly refreshed. He had slept well but now he was a bundle of nerves. He was not looking forward to today and he was feeling decidedly grumpy. Just as breakfast arrived he thought about Neela again and the puzzle of that phone-call. What had happened? He tried to recollect the time before and after his operation.

He asked the nurse to phone her as he was being wheeled to theatre. When he came to after his operation, Katey had been there. The next time the nurse was on duty, he told him he had phoned his friend and left a message so he had thought no more about it.

Katey! He had never asked her who had told her he was in hospital. Somewhere in his befuddled drugged up state he presumed Neela had sent her. He sat up suddenly. 'Ouch!' that had not been the brightest idea in the world. He winced. Sudden movements still hurt his ribs. He lay back as he felt pain coursing through his body. Pain had been his constant companion this past week and would, he knew, continue to be for a very long time. He lay back in his pillow and took some deep breaths. As he relaxed, he felt the pain subside. He needed to check his phone urgently.

It was on his bedside table. He reached for it and powered it on. The battery was almost dead but he only needed to check his contact list. He selected the contact list and scrolled down. What were the chances? He had no friends whose names started with L and M. Big Mike was saved under B. Morris was saved under A. Katey's name was directly above Neela on the contact list! The nurse had contacted Katey instead of Neela! Well that was one piece of information he was keeping to himself. Ironically Katey had proven to be the right choice and more than equal to the task.

He powered off his phone and closed it. He thought about what to do. He had a short physio session at 8am. He would phone from one of the external walkways en route. With a bit of luck she would have time to come to see him before he left. He never stopped to consider the emotional consequences for both of them.

As Jack rolled him down for his last physio session, he asked him to stop on one of the external walkways. He powered on his phone. A rush of phone messages beeped as his phone received a signal. There we a number of missed calls from Pratt and other colleagues at county but the most were from her. thirteen missed phone calls from Neela. Please God let them stop coming before the battery died. Finally! He dialled her number. It seemed to ring for ages before she answered.

Then she answered with an emotional tirade. Typical Neela! Despite himself, he smiled.

"Ray, where the bloody hell have you been, I've been worried sick about you. How could you be so irresponsible just disappearing like that? Why haven't you contacted anybody? This is so typical you. You really need to start behaving in a more professional …"

"Neela,"he finally interrupted, "stop, I don't have much time. My battery is nearly dead. I'm heading to Baton Rouge this afternoon."

"You're going home, why? Where've you been for the last week?"

"I've been in hospital, I had an accident. I'm at Mercy; I'm heading home at lunchtime today."

"Oh My God Ray! Are you alright?"

He suddenly had a lump in his throat; he had not stopped to consider how hard this would be. No. He was far from all right but how to break it to her. He cleared his throat.

"Neela, I've I had a……"

With that his phone went dead. He did not get to tell her. Maybe it was for the best. He did not even know where she was but he knew if she were free that she would make her way to Mercy to see him before he left. He felt wrung out already and his day had only started. Hopefully this physio session would not be too gruelling.

Thankfully the guys were just going through some practical essentials, how to get from chair to chair, how to get from chair to bed, how to use the toilet and shower. There was nothing too painful, nothing too difficult. Then they did some light weight training and some weight bearing, which he hated. All too soon, they were saying their goodbyes. He was on his way back to his room before 9am. Light though it was he was feeling the effects of the physio session. He needed to top up his pain meds and he was feeling decidedly grumpy again.

Katey was waiting for him when he got back and even that irritated. He was feeling stifled today. Where had his good humour of yesterday gone? Please let people just leave him alone.

Just when he thought it could not get any worse, he spotted her sauntering up the corridor toward his room. Shit, he was not prepared for this. He hated that she saw his helplessness as Jack lifted him into bed. He knew what a rabbit felt like when caught in the headlights. He saw her involuntary shudder and he looked away. God, this was far more painful than he expected. He felt more vulnerable than he had felt at any point since his parents arrived. Was this how it was going to be with everybody?

That hour with Neela was one of the most difficult of his life. When he was settled, she came and sat beside his bed. At first he made banal small-talk and tried to make light of his situation. He couldn't look her in the eye, however. It was awkward with both Katey and her in the room and he was relieved when Katey said she was going to get a coffee and to check on his parent's progress. Things got quite emotional after Katey left. It pained him to tell her that he had been just about to listen to her voicemail when he was hit by the truck. Strange when he came to on the ground he was still holding his phone like his life depended on it.

He now very much regretted his emotional outburst when he had berated her for turning away from him. It was an angry bitter rant, nothing more. It was true that he had fallen in love with her but he now regretted his petty jealousy. He should have trusted her. He should have had more sympathy for her point of view and tried to understand what she was going through. Most of all he should have been more patient. He smiled to himself. That was one virtue, he had learned to value in the past year and a half.

After his outburst, he remembers wishing she would just go but she hung on until they wheeled his bed out of the room. Thankfully, at some point someone had topped up his pain meds so he had an excuse to doze. He was aware she was still there. He was sure she wanted to talk but he really had nothing to say to her. He was being honest when he said he didn't think they had a future. He still felt that way; there was just too much water under the bridge. He did however, care deeply for her and they had lots to talk about over the next few days. He knew that both of them needed to talk in order to be able to let go of the past and move on and from what Lucien had told him, she had much more to deal with than he had. One thing he was sure of, he really wanted to restore their friendship. That was too precious to lose.


	6. Dark Horse

The conference the next day was quite interesting but she thought 4pm would never come. She was positive Lucien noticed her agitation but he said nothing. Ray had arranged to bring them for a tour of New Orleans after the conference. He had booked dinner for 6pm on a Steamer. Then he would drive Lucien to the airport before heading to Baton Rouge.

She and Lucien had sorted her leave that morning. Her next shift was Monday night but then she was off again until Friday afternoon. After that she was on duty or on call for the following 4 days but it was worth it in order to get so much time off. She had changed her flight and was now flying home Monday afternoon. This time she would fly economy. But that was a small price to pay.

Soon it was 4pm and they were piling their luggage into the back of Ray's van. The sight of the wheelchair in the back of the van brought a lump to her throat. Ray looked so well and fit that it was easy to forget.

Ray drove through the flood damaged areas of the city and related some heartbreaking stories. He was a good tour guide. The scars of Katrina were still visible. In fact there were whole neighbourhoods still deserted and Neela was not the first to wonder if anybody would ever live there again and what had happened to the poor souls who once lived there. On the drive back toward the Mississippi, he pointed out various landmarks of note.

Their reservations were for 6pm and Ray promised Lucien he would be checked in at the airport by 8pm. So they relaxed and enjoyed themselves. Ray surprised Neela by being the perfect southern host. He was a real enigma was Ray Barnett part punk rocker part refined gentleman. She marvelled at how pronounced his accent had become since he had moved home and wondered what other surprises the weekend had in store. Despite how close they once were, she knew surprisingly little about Ray.

Ray pointed out various landmarks as they sailed by. The atmosphere was great and the view from the steamer was quite spectacular. At 7.30pm, they had pulled back into their dock having enjoyed a delicious meal. Maybe if they were to do this again, they would have time to hit the Casino as well. As they disembarked, Neela noticed Ray limping ever so slightly, he was obviously getting tired. Once again she was reminded of how much his life had changed since last they were together.

Traffic was light and they made good time to the airport. As promised Lucien was at departures by 7.50pm and provided queues were light he would be checked in by 8pm. At any rate he was in loads of time for his 9pm flight.

They said their goodbyes. Lucien thanked Ray for a great evening and promised to return the favour the next time he was in Chicago. With that they were on their way to Baton Rouge.

Within the hour, they were driving through the centre of town. Ray had chosen this route to show her some of the sights. It was a pretty enough town with some nice old buildings but did not quite have the atmosphere of New Orleans. Being the state capitol it had more of an air of gravitas and the architecture and ambience reflected that. It was a genteel southern city.

Shortly before 9.30pm they were pulling into the driveway of what Neela would best describe as a small mansion. "This is the old family home," Ray explained, "its been in my dads family for six generations. My dad is the first member of the family who's not a banker."

Neela wondered once more what other surprises were in store.

"I've been living in a cottage out back since I got home."

He looked over at Neela and shrugged. "In the beginning it was easier because of my wheelchair. It took a while to get the ramps installed. For the first month I was home either mom or dad stayed with me but I've been managing quite well on my own since then. I decided to stay down there as I have more privacy."

"Do you use your wheelchair much any more?"

He gave an uncomfortable shrug.

"It depends. I always keep it on stand-by in case I overdo it or get tired. I tend to use it more at home than when I'm out. Thankfully, I haven't had to use it at work yet. I guess I'm usually pretty good at pacing myself."

He seemed so nonchalant but she could sense the sadness. But he'd had more than a year to get used to things. A lot had changed for him since they were in each other's company last. Neela knew she would find it hard seeing Ray use a wheelchair. That was not the Ray she knew.

"Come on, I'd better take you in and introduce you to the folks. Its getting late and I'm sure you'd like to get settled in your room."

With that Ray grabbed her bag from the back of the car.

She was a little disappointed to hear she was staying in the main house but nonetheless she was glad she had decided to come.

Jaycee was as nice and gracious as the last time Neela met her and Raymond senior although bearing an uncanny physical resemblance to his son was much quieter and more serious than Ray. He was a judge of some standing in the community. Neela also learned that Ray's older sister was a lawyer, who lived and worked in New Orleans. She was married to an accountant and they had two children. She had just learnt more about Ray Barnett's family background in the last five minutes than she had during the two years they lived together and the entire three years they worked together. What a dark horse he was!

"I've heard a lot about you Neela, you're the young lady who tried to keep my son on the straight and narrow up there in Chicago."

"Oh, I don't know about that sir."

"Look Neela, you know very well I would not have finished my internship if you didn't keep harassing me. I came so near to quitting so many times and you covered my back on more than one occasion."

"All I can say is thank-you for attempting to civilise our errant son. I know he has a mind of his own most of the time so it can't have been easy."

Jaycee interrupted.

"Neela dear, I'm sure you'd like to see your room and freshen up a little."

"Mom, I was thinking we might grab a few beers and head out onto the back porch after. It's a lovely evening. But I'd like to show Neela my place first. Do you want to follow me down when you're ready Neela? Mom will point the way."

"Ok. See you soon."

With that Jaycee led her upstairs to her room.

"Neela, I really am glad you've come to visit at long last. Ray still misses his friends from Chicago and I feel he has not had enough contact with y'all in the past year."

"But he seems quite happy and settled here."

"Yes. But I worry sometimes about his reasons for staying. I'm just afraid he's running away from something."

Neela frowned.

"Look my dear, we'll talk some more again. I'll leave you in peace to get ready now."

Neela used the en-suite bathroom to freshen up. She sprayed some perfume and brushed her hair. She put on a sweater, grabbed a shawl and headed downstairs.

Ray senior pointed her in the direction of the garden cottage. As she made her way across the lawn, sensors turned the yard lights on.

She knocked on the cottage door. Ray called out …

"Come in Neela, its open."

He was sitting in his wheelchair removing his right prosthesis, the left one was already propped against the wall. She found it hard to watch.

"Hi. Sorry I won't be long I just need to bind my stumps. I didn't do it last night and my left stump has been bothering me as a result. Feel free to take a look round while you're waiting. Mom and dad did this place up while I was in rehab. There's this living room and kitchenette, a bedroom, and a disabled bathroom. She wandered around. The hoist in the bedroom and the disabled facilities in the bathroom were indicators that whether she liked to admit it or not Ray was disabled. This thought brought tears to her eyes and she looked over to where Ray was still rolling bandages.

"Would you like a hand Ray, you know what they say?"

"What do they say, Neela?" he looked up and smiled.

"Many hands make light work?"

He noticed the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Well when you put it like that I can hardly refuse," he said gruffly. He was quite surprised at how relaxed he was, he usually hated anybody seeing him like this. But Neela was different somehow.

She pulled over a stool sat beside him and started to bandage his right stump while he concentrated on finishing his left stump. It was incredibly therapeutic sitting there working away quietly together shoulder to shoulder. He finished first and sat back to watch her finish and his heart was filled with tenderness. It was so wonderful to see her here to be this close to her, just like old times the roomies back together again.

"There", she said with satisfaction, "finished!"

"Excellent job, Dr. Rasgotra. Come on Roomie let's grab a beer." he said as he headed toward the door.

He wheeled himself up the stone path and climbed the ramp to the back porch. She followed. There was a cooler box sitting beside the swing seat. He eased himself into the seat, grabbed 2 beers from the box and beckoned Neela to sit beside him and offered her one of the beers. They sat there for a very long time watching the night sky, listening to the crickets and sipping a beer just enjoying the quiet of each other's company. Eventually Ray broke the silence.

"You're OK with this?"

"With what Ray?"

"With being here, with seeing me like this?"

Neela was silent for a moment. She knew it had been difficult for him to ask the question and she wanted to give an honest response.

"Its been hard for me, at times watching you cope this evening but that's because its all new to me. When I saw you yesterday, you looked so well and I didn't even think about your disability but then when I saw your wheelchair in the back of your van today it brought me back to reality. Watching you this evening and how well you're coping, I'm a little in awe if the truth be know."

Ray laughed. "I've had quite a bit of practice by now. It's amazing what a body can get used to. Mind you I still hate the freak show."

"What do you mean?"

"Well its fine when I'm home among people I know, but I still hate being out and about in my wheelchair especially without my prosthetics. I hate the way people look at me. Then, I always was pretty vain, you know that."

Neela laughed. "Yes Ray, I can't deny that! You always had a bigger collection of cosmetics and hair gel than I had." Ray laughed, "Yeah, but admit it, it was handy when you ran out of eyeliner!" then he became serious again.

"I guess that's why I didn't want anybody to visit me at Mercy."

"I don't understand."

" I just couldn't cope with their stares, their pity. I made that decision when I saw Katey's reaction. I just did not want to deal with people. It was all so overwhelming back then."

"How did Katey find out?"

"One of the nurses phoned her, he was meant to phone you …uh …to phone you as well but he didn't. I only discovered that the morning I was getting ready to leave."

He leaned back and stared into the night sky.

"God Neela, meeting you like that in the hospital, it was one of the most awful experiences of my life. The shock and horror on your face, I felt so awful that you weren't prepared. At least Katey had time while I was in recovery to get over the shock. With you it was just so raw … so unreal … so painful." He felt the tears running down his cheeks, he let them fall. He knew she was crying too. He cleared his throat.

" I wanted to be anywhere else except in that bed. I wanted to run and hide but ….I … c… couldn't move from that damn bed." His voice broke. Unconsciously, she caught and held his hand in both of hers.

"I just did not know how to face you, what to say, I remember that stupid joke about racing stripes upsetting both you and Katey. But I was just trying to relax the situation."

"Ray. None of that matters anymore. All that matters is that you're well again."

She reached over and hugged him and before they knew it they were holding onto each other as if they were drowning. They held each other and allowed the tears to flow, washing away all the hurt, the anger, the bitterness and the disappointment. They sat like that for a very long time until Ray broke the silence.

"Neela." "Yes, Ray." "I'm really glad you're here." "Me too, Ray, me too."

With that, they sat in peaceful silence once more, two friends watching the night sky and listening to the crickets.


	7. Minor Emergency

After she went to bed Neela lay awake for a long time reviewing her day. Ray had changed a lot, he seemed happy despite everything that had happened to him. She could see he was coping extremely well with his disability and taking everything in his stride.

That heart to heart on the porch had been a revelation. She had felt a real healing taking place. Maybe she was finally ready to let go of the past and move on. She realised how lonely she had been for the past year without Abby and Ray and how isolated she had felt from everybody else around her.

If she were honest with herself her major problem was that she still felt guilty about how little she missed Michael and how angry she still felt with him. Maybe she would get a chance to talk about it with Ray over the weekend provided it didn't ruffle his feathers.

She hoped that after this weekend, she would be able to reconnect with her colleagues instead of just going through the motions. One thing was sure, she was sick and tired of feeling sorry for herself and of making foolish mistakes with assholes like Brenner. With that she turned over and fell into a dreamless sleep.

It seemed like minutes later that her phone started ringing. It took a few minutes for her to orient herself and realise where she was. "Hello."

"Hey, Neela, its Ray."

"Ray, its 5.30am!"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I just don't want to disturb mom and dad. Could you come down here, I … I need you to take a look at my leg. I … its probably nothing but I think there's something wrong."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Ray had never been one to panic in the past and even if this was a false alarm he wouldn't have called her if he didn't need reassurance. Somehow, she didn't have a good feeling about this.

He was sitting up in bed looking rather sheepish when she arrived.

"Sorry about this Neela, like I said its probably nothing."

He looked flushed. "Ray, are you running a temperature?"

"I don't think so." She touched his forehead, it felt quite hot and clammy.

"Lets take a look." He'd already removed the pressure bandage and she could see where it was quite red right at the base of the stump.

"Do you have any surgical gloves lying around?

He looked at her quizzically. "Why would I have surgical gloves lying around? He laughed.

"Well Ray," she replied heatedly "as I recall you were once in the habit of carrying a scalpel around with you or was that just to impress the groupies?"

"Ouch, I asked for that I guess. So-rry Doctor Neela."

Despite herself Neela smiled.

"I'll just go and wash my hands."

She returned and examined the inflamed area more closely. She touched it gingerly and he winced, she pressed harder and he let out an involuntary gasp.

"This is quite inflamed, are you sure you had no discomfort yesterday?"

"The first I noticed was as I was leaving the restaurant yesterday evening, but that was only a slight tenderness."

She frowned.

"Cellulitis?" Ray asked.

"I'm not sure, I just can't believe it would come on this suddenly."

"Shit." Ray said as he lay back in the bed. "Do you realise this is my first setback since the accident?"

" I really don't bring you very good luck do I Ray?"

"On the contrary, I was bound to have a minor setback sometime. Thank God you're here, I would hate to have to deal with this with mom and dad's help. At least I can rely on you not to panic."

"You really need to get this seen to and the sooner the better."

Ray smiled wanly. "Well I guess we'd better get moving. General, where I work is the closest ER, my friend Matt is on night duty. I'll call and let him know we're on our way."

With that he took out his phone and scrolled through his contact list until he found Matt's number right between Katey and Neela's numbers. How ironic he thought. Another emergency and here he was once more phoning the number above Neela's. Matt answered and Ray explained the problem briefly then hung up and turned to Neela. "He's off at seven but he'll wait until I get there. I'm good to drive but I could sure do with some moral support."

"Of course I'll come I wouldn't dream of letting you go on your own. Can you make your way to the car on your own? I need to dress properly and grab my things."

"Yeah, sure, I'll manage. Try not to wake the folks if you can."

He had already started to dress as she was leaving. She knew he'd manage. She moved through the house as quietly as she could. She washed quickly, threw on jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt, brushed her hair and teeth grabbed a sweatshirt, her purse and phone and made her way quietly to the car. He had just left the cottage and was wheeling himself slowly up the path toward the car.

"Neela, now that I'm up and moving, I'm not feelin' so great, I wonder would you drive?"

"I've never used hand controls before, but sure, I'm sure I'll manage."

"Oh I can switch back to pedal control dad uses this car as well so we got dual control."

"Fine. Do you need a hand?"

"Please. I'm suddenly feeling quite shaky."

Once again, he was surprised at how easily he accepted her help without awkwardness or rancour. She held the chair while he eased himself into the passenger seat. He was shivering.

"Hold on."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just going back to the cottage to grab a blanket and sweater for you."

She didn't fancy driving to the hospital with the car heater switched on.

"Here, you'll need the keys."

Within minutes she was back and seated in the drivers seat. He had obediently put on the sweater she had given him and was now wrapped in a sleeping bag.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I've got a bad flu. I ache all over."

It was obvious from the look in his eyes that he was very worried indeed.

"Look Ray, until we get you to the hospital and get you checked out there's no point panicking."

"Neela, lets face it, we're both doctors, this does not look good!"

Neela simply shrugged.

"Right then, lets get going, the sooner we get there, the sooner we'll be in a position to know what's going on. You're going to have to navigate, I've no idea where we're going."

Ray gave Neela directions to the highway, once there she simply followed the signs for the hospital."

As they were speeding down the highway, Ray stared out of the window at the passing cityscape. He was lost in his own world and looking decidedly sorry for himself. Neela knew better than to engage him in conversation when he was in a mood like this.

He wondered at how things could have changed so quickly. Only yesterday, he had been the masterful one, taking care to look out for Neela. Today, she was the one in charge and he felt as helpless and vulnerable as a little baby.

Furthermore, he was dreading meeting his colleagues in the ER. None of them had seen him in his wheelchair before and in fact Matt, Jenny another resident and Dr Black the ER chief were the only people who knew that he was a double amputee. Well there was no going back now so the sooner he got this over with, the better!


	8. Tic, Tack, Toe

It was just 6.30am when they pulled into a disabled parking spot adjacent to the ER department. Ray was very subdued as Neela helped him into his chair and he didn't object when she started wheeling him toward the entrance to the ER. There were only a handful of people in triage, thank goodness. He handed Neela his swipe card to swipe them in then wheeled himself to the admin desk. The receptionist was bent over some files.

"Hey Sarah, is Dr. Baker around."

Hey, Dr. Barnett" Sarah started with a smile but the smile froze on her face as she looked up "a… are you alright?" she asked in concern. There was an awkward silence as she saw his legs and realised the truth of the situation. Sarah became flustered and turned away. Neela could see Ray visibly cringe. "I … …I'm just running a slight fever, nothing serious I hope." Ray managed a tight little smile.

Sarah pulled herself together and said "uh. Sorry Dr. Barnett, Dr. Baker's in curtain 2, shall I call him?"

"No. That's not necessary, could you tell him I'm waiting for him in the doctor's lounge when he's free."

"Sure thing Dr. Barnett."

Ray wheeled himself toward the Dr's lounge, Neela following. She noticed all the people staring at them. Poor Ray, such a pity more people in the hospital were not already aware of his disability. This was not easy for him. Now Neela knew how contestants on "The Weakest Link" felt when they were forced to do the walk of shame. She also realised why Ray might be reluctant to return to Chicago. Maybe, this is what Jaycee alluded to earlier.

They waited about ten minutes before Matt Baker strolled into the Doctor's lounge. "Hi Ray. How are you feeling now?"

"About the same, real fluey and shivery but strangely my leg is not as sore since I removed the pressure dressing." Matt frowned in puzzlement, looked at Neela and said "Hi!"

"Sorry Matt, this is my friend Neela Rasgotra, she's a surgical resident in Chicago."

"Pleased to meet you Neela," said Matt as he shook her hand. "Let's check you out Dr. Barnett and try to figure out what's going on here." With this he checked Ray's temperature, pulse and blood pressure. Then he checked his throat, ears and glands.

"You appear to have some sort of infection alright; your glands and lymph nodes are swollen. Your temperature is just 100 degrees. Let's take a look at your leg and try to figure out what's going on."

The bottom of Ray's stump was still quite inflamed and Matt noted it was warm to the touch. But it was no longer painful as Matt examined it.

Neela commented that it was no longer as inflamed as it had been earlier. "Did you notice this white mark earlier?"

"No. the whole area was very red and angry then but it seems to have spread and got paler."

"Mmmm. The area is obviously still quite sensitive post surgery that would explain the pain. The friction of the prostheses and the bandage would account for the increased redness. Because of the scarring, it's very hard to be sure but does this look like a circle to you?" he asked Neela.

"It could be. This is where it was sore to the touch earlier. If it were cellulitis it would still be sore. Right?"

Ray interjected, "So is it cellulitis or not?"

"Most probably not, although given the site, it could develop into cellulitis. Describe your symptoms again."

"I feel like I have the flu and I ache all over. I just want to go to bed and stay there."

"Any specific aches?"

"Yes. I suppose my arm and leg muscles and joints are quite sore."

"Feverish, achy joints and a possible bulls eye shaped rash."

"You never mentioned bulls-eye shaped rash."

"I just have but because of the scar tissue its difficult to be certain. So doctor if someone presented with those symptoms, what would you be testing for?"

"Lyme disease?"

"I concur. I'll get someone in to do a blood test but I'll start you on antibiotics immediately. There's no point waiting. Ray, there is one more thing; you'll have to stay off your feet until the inflammation has cleared. I've checked the site thoroughly and there's no sign of the tic and the bite does not appear to be infected, nonetheless, there is a danger of developing cellulitis because of the pressure your bodyweight puts on the area."

"Great." Ray groaned, "what about the pressure dressing?"

"Try to leave it off today, leave it on as much as possible tomorrow provided you think the rash is clearing and it's not causing discomfort. You need to talk to your consultant on Monday. I'll talk to the chief about getting someone to cover your shifts 'til the end of the week and then review your progress. Look Ray we've definitely caught this on time. So don't worry."

"Thanks Matt. I know that, it's just a drag being out of action again. This is some holiday for Neela."

"Don't worry about me Ray; I'm sure I'll find something to do." Neela said.

"Right." Ray said. "Lets get these blood tests; I want to get home to bed."

"Neela, nice to meet you. Ray, I'll leave a prescription at reception. I hope the fever clears soon. By the way, you know the drill, try to do some weight-bearing exercises while you're off your feet especially if this goes on for more than two or three days."

"Thanks Matt."

With that, Matt was gone.

"Neela, this is just dreadful. I insist you go off and do something for the day anyhow I'm going to be laid low."

By 8.30am Ray was tucked up in bed having taken his first dose of antibiotics. Neela headed back toward the house and met Jaycee in the kitchen.

"Well young lady, what adventure did my son have you on so early in the morning?"

Without dramatising the situation, Neela explained to Jaycee where they had been and what the outcome was. She was understandably concerned but she was sensible enough to know not to fuss. She knew the best thing for Ray was peace and quiet.

"Poor Ray but I suppose it could be worse. Now, my dear, why don't you get yourself upstairs and shower? By the time you get back down, I'll have breakfast ready and will have some sightseeing and shopping information laid out for you. Ray senior is heading into his office for a few hours, I'm sure he'll be happy to give you a lift."


	9. In Bed

No sooner was Ray settled in bed than he fell into a deep sleep. He woke at about 11am still feeling quite rough. He reached for the pack of paracetemol in his locker drawer and took two. Then he turned over and dozed off once more.

He woke shortly after 12am when he heard the front door of the cottage open. He called out that he was awake and his mom popped her head around the bedroom door.

"How's the patient?"

"I've seen better days! Then again, I've had worse days too."

"You and I both know this could be a lot worse. If this had been cellulitis you could be in serious trouble right now."

"Yeah, mom." Ray frowned, "I'm not complaining. I also know that if I hadn't gotten bitten where I did, it could have taken a lot longer to diagnose Lyme's disease as the rash would probably not have been as obvious and it would more than likely not have been painful. I'm disappointed by the timing though. I was really looking forward to showing Neela a good time."

"There will be other times. Anyhow your dad has taken her out and about for the day."

"Good. I'd hate to think she was hanging around here on my account."

"I've just cooked up some vegetable soup and there's fresh bread. Can I tempt you?"

"You know what, that sounds great."

"I'll go and fetch some then. Maybe this is an indicator you're on the mend already."

Ray smiled, "I hope so. You know how much I hate being out of action," he said as he raised himself into a sitting position.

His mother nodded then headed toward the house to get his lunch. When she returned she also brought a newspaper, some iced tea and bottled water.

She tidied the bedside table and left his tablets and drinks where he could reach them.

"OK, what else do you need?"

Ray laughed but then proceeded with his wish list, his i-pod, the novel he was reading, a crossword book, a sudoku book, his nintendo and last but not least, the remote control for the TV set. All were duly deposited on the bedside table.

"Mom, can you move my chair closer to the bed in case I need it?"

His mother folded his wheelchair and stowed it between his bedside table and the bed.

"Now, where is my phone?"

After much searching, his mom found it in the side pocket of the combat trousers he had been wearing earlier. The battery was low so he plugged it into the charger on the bedside table. Then he settled down to eat his lunch.

He and his mother chatted as he ate. One upside of the traumas of the past year is that he and his parents now had a very relaxed comfortable relationship.

No sooner had he finished his lunch than he could feel his energy flagging once more. His mum noticed.

"Well I think its time I left you to rest up some more."

"Thanks mum. I'll phone if I need any help."

With that he settled down under the bed covers once more and he was soon dozing once more. He had some very strange and fitful dreams where he was not sure if he was awake or asleep.

He was running through the desert on really weird metal prostheses, the sun was beating down and he was very hot and thirsty. He could see what looked like an army truck up ahead with full water bottles hanging off the back. Just as he reached it the truck pulled away. He could see soldiers sitting in the back wearing battle fatigues and helmets. He called to them but they were talking and laughing among themselves and they ignored him. As the truck pulled further away from him, there was an explosion and he saw body parts flying in all directions, arms, legs, some real some prosthetics and some like parts of mannequins. Then a mannequin head came rolling toward him and landed at his feet. He picked it up. It was Michael, he smiled and said "sorry Ray, you're too late." Then he disappeared.

Ray woke with a start, he was drenched in sweat and felt really disoriented. He checked the time on his phone display, it was 3.23pm. He sat up and threw back the bed clothes, he plumped the pillows and rearranged them, reached for the remote control and sat back into the pillows. He turned on the TV and flicked through the channels but there was nothing on. He reached for his i-pod and his book. But he was restless and couldn't concentrate so he put the book down and picked up his sudoku book. He found he couldn't concentrate on that either. He shivered and pulled up the bedcovers and soon he drifted off to sleep again as he listened to his i-pod.

This time, as 'The Clash' played in the background, he found himself in the back of an ambulance driving away from Mercy Hospital Chicago. His mother was seated in front of him. His dad had already travelled ahead to Baton Rouge to prepare for his arrival. He felt once more that awful sense of helplessness that had been ever-present during those dreadful first months after his accident. He stared out wistfully as they drove along. Then he saw her. She was still wearing that red sweater over her blue hospital scrubs, her long dark hair flowed loose over her shoulders. She was walking along in a group of people heading toward a rally. He waved to her but she didn't see him. He could feel a horrible empty gulf open deep within him and he felt that pain of loss grow more intense as she drew away from him. He opened a window and waved out and called to her but she didn't hear him. Soon she had faded into the distance and got lost in the crowd. Then Michael's face loomed in front of him once more. He was laughing. Ray let out an anguished sob and woke himself. He wiped away the tears that had coursed down his face while he slept. For the first time in a long time he allowed himself to feel sad for all that he had lost and left behind. He sat there for some time just staring into space listening to his i-pod and wallowing.

Then he sat up took off his headphones and shouted at himself,

"Pull yourself together, Barnett, this is just fever delirium making you morose." He felt cross that he had allowed himself to wallow.

A voice from the next room called out, "Hey. You do realise that talking to yourself is one of the first signs of madness, shouting is far more serious."

"Hi," he called back, "what are you doing hiding out there?" He sincerely hoped she hadn't heard anything he may have said in his sleep.

She stood framed in the doorway. "I've just been checking out your Steven King collection. What about you?"

"Oh, I was just counting the hairs on the palm of my hand," he said as he stared down at his hands. She laughed.

"When did you add Steven King to your list of interests?"

"They're dad's, I just borrowed them. Isn't it strange dad and I have very similar reading tastes. Find anything interesting?"

"I just finished reading 'The Green Mile.' It's a wonderful short story."

"So, no gore and horror then?"

"No thanks, how are you feeling, by the way?"

"Much better thanks."

"You seemed pretty restless there for a while."

"I hope I didn't say anything incriminating."

"No. Don't worry, you were only mumbling."

"Whew, that's a relief, I'd hate to think I had lost my street cred!"

Neela laughed.

"You're definitely on the mend if you're worried about your image."

Ray grimaced causing her to laugh even more.

"Your mum said dinner would be ready at seven. Do you want me to bring you down some?"

"I think I might get up for a while and join you folks instead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I need to get out of this bed for a while. What time is it now?"

"Just after six."

"Do you fancy helping me do a crossword puzzle?"

"Sure , lets time ourselves." So they sat and worked together on the crossword book. They timed how long it took them to complete the first crossword and then set out to beat that time on the second crossword. They were half way through their third crossword puzzle when Neela noticed it was 6.45.

" Ray I'd better head up to get ready for dinner and you'll need to start getting ready if you're planning to join us."

"Right, I'll see you in about fifteen minutes."


	10. Blame it on the fever

At 7pm they all congregated in the dining-room. Ray looked pale and he was still feeling quite achy but he was determined to sit through dinner with Neela and his parents. Dinner table topics were as diverse as Neela's impressions of Baton Rouge to the state of the economy and the forthcoming elections to the merits and demerits of Steven King as a writer.

During the day Ray senior had brought Neela for a tour of the old and new state capitol buildings, and then they went to the governor's mansion and the court buildings. After lunch she had gone for a wander round USC and then hit the shopping district while he caught up on some paperwork in his chambers. They met at 5pm outside the court buildings and made good time home as traffic was light. She was glad that she had had time to sit with Ray on her return. She now realised how much she would have regretted not contacting him. Thank goodness Lucien had pushed the issue.

She smiled now as she listened to the dinner table conversation, she felt so welcome here, so very comfortable. Ray noticed her smile and felt a surge of affection, he was glad Neela was enjoying herself. It was great that she got on with his parents. After dinner, Ray's dad suggested they head out to the back porch for a night-cap but Ray declined. He was starting to feel cold again and knew not to push it.

"I think I'd better head back to my sick-bed and rest up some more. Why don't you call down later Neela? I'll probably watch some TV."

About twenty minutes later he heard the cottage door open, he looked at the time display on his phone, it was almost 8.30pm . She popped her head round the bedroom door.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

"I'm definitely on the mend; hopefully I'll be up and about for a while tomorrow, Monday at the latest. I was just about to watch a DVD; would you care to join me?"

"What are you watching?"

A cheeky grin spread across has face as he answered with a raised eyebrow.

"The Shining."

"Ray!" she groaned.

"Aw, come on Roomie, I thought you said you were a Steven King fan," he teased. "It'll be like old times," he said as he patted the bed beside him.

"Are there any extra pillows or cushions?"

"In the living-room. … Neela...?"

Yeah,"

"There are some cokes and ice-cream in the fridge."

"You think of everything Doc. Rock."

Soon she was sitting on the bed beside him. The drinks were on the bedside tables. She held the tub of ice-cream as she handed him one of the spoons.

"Give that here," Ray said as he took the tub and opened it then he handed it back to her and started the remote control.

"Almost like old times Roomie," he smiled.

She felt a lump in her throat as she leaned her head against his shoulder. He put his arm around her. As she looked up at him he bent down and kissed her gently on the lips, just a gentle brush of the lips that she did not have time to respond to. Then she lay across his chest and hugged him close. He put his arms around her and held her. Both stared at the TV set with sad distant expressions on their faces. They did not dare look at each other. Neither was sure where they were heading right now. They needed to talk before Neela left but not right now.

--

Ray woke with a start, the TV screen was blank and Neela had gone. He checked his phone, it was after 11.30pm. He had slept through most of the film. When had she left? Had she watched the end of the film? Why didn't she wake him before she left? He would have phoned but he was afraid she might be asleep. So he texted her instead.

'Good night Roomie, sorry I wasn't the perfect host after all. Sweet dreams! See you in the morning.' He hoped she was ok. If he were honest with himself, he was disappointed that she hadn't stayed.

Neela was lying awake in her bed when she received the text. She read it and started to cry bitterly once more. It had been little more than a peck, she couldn't even call it a kiss and she had not responded but she still felt guilty as hell. This was awful.

"Michael, why won't you leave me alone, I just want to get on with my life."

She continued to cry as though her heart was breaking.


	11. Blame it on the weather

When Neela woke on Sunday morning, she had a pounding headache. It was just after 8am. She needed some fresh air so she decided to go for a jog. She put on her jogging pants, a long sleeved t-shirt and her running shoes. Strange that she'd packed them. It had been raining earlier but now it had cleared. Apart from the mugginess, it was a nice morning. As it was Sunday and still quite early, there were very few people out and about. She jogged along at a slow steady pace, enjoying the sights of this very pretty old neighbourhood.

Although very little had happened between her and Ray last night, it had left her feeling sad and confused. It was always the same. If only she could stop feeling guilty about her feelings for Ray. She told herself for the umpteenth time that she had never cheated on Michael while he was alive but it was useless. The guilt continued to overwhelm her. It just was not fair.

She was getting a stitch; she stopped and held her side. She bent over put her hands on her thighs and started to breathe deeply. She could see people leaving a church further up the street and stayed bent over with her hands on her thighs breathing deeply until they had dispersed. Then she started walking steadily up the street, her arms swinging in an effort to loosen up the stitch. Just as she neared the church, the heavens opened. As there was no place else to shelter, she dashed into the church to wait.

She stood in the porch for a few minutes; she read on the notice board that the next service was at 10am. As the rain continued to fall she ventured into the main body of the church; it was deserted. She could hear the rain lashing down outside. Looking about her, she absorbed the atmosphere of the church. It was a beautiful old stone church, catholic she thought. The narrow stained glass windows were quite exquisite and the light that filtered through played with the senses. She sat back and smiled as she remembered her best friend Claire from primary school dragging her into St. Matthew's for the first time.

St Matthew's was the little catholic church around the corner from where she grew up. It was also Claire's parish church where she had recently made her First Confession and First Holy Communion. Neela smiled as she recalled Claire's desperate attempts to convert her in order to save her soul; that was until Fr. O'Reilly, the local curate discovered them practicing in the confessional box one day. Instead of getting cross, he patiently took the time to find out what was going on and then proceeded to explain that really until someone was eighteen they could not be converted unless their parents wished that to be the case.

Then he gently explained to Claire that it was much more important that someone belonged to a kind and loving family like the Rasgotra's than it was that they were baptised. That seemed to put Claire's mind at rest and she never again brought up the subject of conversion. Nonetheless, by then, Neela was quite well versed in certain Catholic rituals, such as Confession, the mass and holy communion. She sighed and wished, not for the first time, that life could be that simple now.

"My goodness, young lady that sounded like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders."

Startled, she looked up; she had not heard the elderly priest approaching.

"I'm terribly sorry, father, I just stepped in to shelter from the rain."

"There is no need to apologise child, all are welcome in the house of God. I can't help but notice that you seem troubled. Do you wish to talk about it? My name is Fr. Basquelle; I'm a very good listener. What's your name my dear and did I detect a British accent there?"

"My name is Neela Rasgotra; I was born in India but grew up in London."

"Well Neela, why don't you tell me what is causing you such anguish. A problem shared is a problem halved."

Totally against her nature, Neela found herself telling this elderly stranger the story of her life since she arrived in County General in Chicago. She related the whole sad story of her and Michael, how he saved her career and later came back from Iraq at which time she rushed into marrying him. She told of Michael's return to Iraq, about the complications that arose because of living with Ray and about Michael's subsequent tragic death. Then she explained how things became more complicated and difficult between her and Ray, culminating in his tragic accident and return to Baton Rouge. She talked about her mixed emotions with regard to the weekend's events and how she was now more confused and upset than ever. She really just wanted to let go of the past and move on but she just didn't seem able to do that.

The old man stayed silent for a long time after she finished her story. Then he turned to her and asked.

"How do you feel about Michael now?"

"I … don't know. I still love him, I guess."

"That's not exactly what I mean, how do you feel about the fact that Michael is no longer here?"

"Nothing."

"You don't feel, nothing. That's not possible. Think back to when he left to return to Iraq."

"I felt worried, anxious …."

"Anything else, take your time and think …"

Neela sat still for a long time and thought back to the time when Michael told her he did not want to stay…. She had never felt so betrayed in her entire life.

"I felt betrayed."

"Do you still feel betrayed?"

"Yes," she said angrily and the tears started to flow. "I wanted him to stay and build a life with me and I was really angry with him that he did not want to stay. I felt he had tricked me into marriage. I believe now that he never planned to stay."

"Would you have married him if you knew he planned to go back?"

"Probably not."

"Did you want to get married so quickly?"

"Not really but I knew he did so I guess I did it to please him."

The old man nodded.

"Why do you think he wanted to marry you so quickly?"

"Probably because he was afraid of what might happen to him or because he did not want to lose me."

"How might he have lost you?"

"I might have found someone else."

"And you did?"

"Yes."

"But you did not betray him."

"No. But I wanted to."

"Neela, listen to me, you were loyal to your husband, you never betrayed him but he abandoned you twice. You have a right to be angry with him. Are you angry with him?"

"Yes and I can't seem to get past it, it's like he still has a hold on me."

"What about your feelings for Ray?"

"I have feelings for Ray but I can't really deal with them because Michael gets in the way."

"Neela, I would love to stay and talk longer but unfortunately I have only 15 minutes to get ready for the next mass. My congregation are already starting to arrive."

Neela looked around and noticed about a half dozen people in the church. She hadn't even heard them come in.

"Thank-you father, that's the first time I've really talked like that."

"I hope it has helped."

"Yes. I think it has."

"Can I give you some advice, write a letter to your husband, be as honest as you can and as angry as you can. Then when you've finished write to Ray and see what comes out. I'll pray for you and your friend. I hope things work out. Just remember, they may not work out exactly the way you want or expect."

Neela felt emotionally drained as she left the church but strangely she felt a lot better. She had never been so honest with herself before. She looked around as she left the church it was still cloudy but the rain had stopped. She turned back the way she had come and jogged back towards the house. It was almost 10am, she had been gone since shortly after 8am.

As she approached the house, she saw Ray on the front porch and her heart fell, she had hoped to get into the house without being noticed. She looked a mess.

"Hi!"

"God Neela, I was worried about you," he said crossly "where have you been? Are you OK? You've been crying. "

"I … I'm fine now. I went for a jog a … and got lost. I just got a bit stressed and emotional." She wasn't ready to tell him the truth yet.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes, its nothing that a hot shower won't fix."

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Not yet."

"I'll join you for a coffee when you're ready."

"Thanks."

She smiled wanly, turned away and ran into the house and up the stairs leaving Ray confused and exasperated. He hadn't seen that closed look in a long time.


	12. Sunday morning

Twenty minutes later when Neela walked into the kitchen, Ray was waiting for her at the table. There was cereal, orange juice and fresh coffee on the table. Ray knew there was still something up but he decided not to push. He knew now that was the mistake he made after Michael's death. There was no Gates now so he needed to forget his own insecurities and concentrate on what was right for Neela. He would give her space but they would talk before she left.

"I'd better warn you there's going to be an invasion this afternoon. Jenny is driving up with her two boys. We're going to have a barbeque. So things will start to get lively here by about 3pm."

"Oh, right."

Ray frowned.

"Neela, look I know there's something wrong but I'm not going to push it. We need to have a heart to heart before you leave but now's not the time. Let's just look forward to spending the afternoon with the family. By the way …" he grinned … "I might have told the boys that you're a great soccer player so they're really looking forward to playing you."

"Ray !!" she groaned. They both started to laugh and a semblance of normality returned.

"Ray!"

"Yes."

"I never asked, how are you feeling today?"

"Much better, thanks. The fever seems to be gone. I think I'll take a lie down before the invasion, however, I don't want to push things. I really had hoped to show you a more exciting weekend."

"Its been great just being here."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really," she smiled.

"Do you fancy going for a drive?"

"I thought you said you were going to bed."

"Not right now, I've got a touch of cabin fever and could do with getting out for a while. I'm a pretty good tourist guide really."

"OK. Why not?"

After breakfast, they headed to the car.

Ray drove and they were soon heading north along the west bank of the river. Some of the views were quite spectacular and he pointed out various imposing looking plantation houses along the way. If she airbrushed out the roads traffic and other trappings of the 20th century she could almost imagine she was Scarlett O'Hara in 'Gone with the Wind.' He told her the history of some of the plantations as they passed but she really did not take a lot in, she was lost in her own daydreams.

"If you fancy we could go on a plantation tour tomorrow."

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"If not, you could go on your own."

"I'd like that."

A little further on, he turned into the grounds of one of the old plantations, the house was quite spectacular. He stopped the car in the parking area below the house and they took in the view of the great Mississippi. It must be even more amazing from the front steps of the mansion. They sat there quietly for a long time enjoying the peace and quiet. Ray could see that Neela was lost in her own thoughts but he left her alone. Whatever was wrong, now was not the time to talk about it. He would just have to make sure that they made time later. He was starting to feel a little rough again and knew he needed to get to bed for a while. He checked his watch and could not believe it was after 12 noon.

"Neela,"

"Yes."

"Its time to head back, I need to get to bed for a while."

"Are you OK? Do you want me to drive?"

"I'm fine to drive. Anyhow the logistics of changing seats is too much like hard work." With that he put the car into drive and headed towards the highway heading south for Baton Rough.

Within half an hour they were parking in the driveway. Ray headed straight for his bed and Neela headed up to her bedroom took out a writing pad and pen and started to write.


	13. Letter across time

Dear Michael,

Today I met an old priest and he told me to write to you and tell you how I feel.

There is so much about you and I, I still do not understand.

Why did you ask me to marry you?

Why the rush?

Even though I knew I was not ready, I could not say no to you because I loved you and I believed in you. You were a good man, an honourable man and I trusted you. That's why I could not say "no" when you asked me to marry you. Of course I knew it was crazy and impulsive. Nevertheless, I really believed that what we had was laid down on a solid foundation of trust and love. I looked forward to the life we were going to build together.

That's why I got such a shock when you said you were going back to Iraq. I was so bitterly disappointed. Back then I thought it was a spur of the moment thing, a reaction to your visits to the VA. Now I suspect that you planned to go all along and that makes me angry.

Why did you rush me into marriage if you were not planning to stay? How convenient that you can't answer but I think I know the answer and if I'm right then I've reason to be angry.

I believe now that you saw something between Ray and I before either of us even knew there was something there. That means the reason we got married is that you were jealous and possessive. Worst of all we got married because you did not trust me to stay faithful. Why could you not have trusted me? And to think I thought our marriage was built on a solid foundation of trust and love. I loved you and trusted you and you betrayed that trust and love.

You know, maybe you're right, maybe I would not have stayed faithful but then again, you weren't faithful to me. You ran back to the army and I did not want you to do that. So you cheated on me with your mistress, namely your duty to the army. You put your duty to your country before your love for me, if indeed you really truly loved me. I could have cheated on you with Ray, you know, but I didn't, that's the difference. I didn't cheat.

Why not cheat? After all he was fulfilling your duties in all other ways. He was the one sharing my home, he was the one cooking for me, he was my sounding board when things got too much for me, and he celebrated my triumphs as I celebrated his. He became my best friend and confidante because you were not there. That is not my fault; that is your fault. But I did not cheat because he was not my husband and I already had a husband.

When I was away from him I missed his company more than I missed yours. Yes, I've finally admitted it and no, I refuse to feel guilty about that any more. Where were you? You did not have to go back to Iraq. I should have been more important to you. Our future should have been more important to you. I wanted to build a home with you and have your children. Instead you left me with Ray. Ray was free to fulfil all your duties bar one. How convenient for you! I think you knew deep down the kind of person I was and knew that once we were married I would not cheat. How could you chain me like that? You know, the awful thing is you did it to Ray too.

Yet I continued to play the dutiful wife, I was the one who had to put the brakes on when I recognised what was happening between Ray and I. You barely reacted when I told you I'd moved out but you must have had some idea why because now I believe you had already noticed something before ever we married. Yet you said nothing and once again I was the one making the sacrifices. I sacrificed a wonderful, precious, friendship for the sake of our marriage. What marriage? It was a sham. It was built on a falsehood, on a trust that did not exist.

You cannot imagine the depth of my anger as I write this. I cannot believe the depth of my anger. After two and a half years I am still so angry with you. Worst of all I have not been able to turn to the people I need. Instead I have been reaching out to strangers.

You know, if you were still alive and had not finished your tour by now, I hope I would have had the courage to end it. I'm not sure if I would because I fear I would still be labouring under the illusion that you were worth waiting for, worth making sacrifices for.

You wanted a loyal army wife, who would wait for you and follow you wherever duty took you. I was never that woman. Love and attraction is not enough to hold a marriage together. I realise that now. Two people need to want the same things. They need to have similar wishes, hopes and desires. They need to respect and accept each other's differences. I thought you wanted the same things I wanted. I now realise that we never wanted the same things. If I told you how my career was progressing would you even be interested? I think the answer is not unless my career plans fit in with your life plans, whatever they were.

That was the problem with you and me, Michael. We never stopped to find out what the other wanted, what were the other's hopes and desires for the future. We just ran headlong into marriage presuming that because we were in love that we would make it, that we would automatically want the same things. How naïve! My God, Michael, I don't even know what you liked for breakfast. I wanted to find out I just never got the chance.

Michael, I know fundamentally you were a good, kind and generous man. I will be eternally grateful to you for saving my career after that stupid mistake I made when still a medical student. However, I did not ask or expect you to make that sacrifice and I think deep down I felt I owed you; that is why I married so willingly.

I know now that we should never have married and it makes me sad to see the damage our marriage has caused. I could not bear to be alone with Ray in the year after you died because I felt guilty. As a result I pushed him away and made some dreadful mistakes. Ray did not deserve to be hurt because of our reckless behaviour but he was at every juncture and he was an innocent bystander. If we had never married things would never have gotten into such a mess, of that I'm sure. I would have run a mile from Gates once I became aware of his complicated relationships and Ray might never have ended up under that truck.

But I know I can't change the past, I can simply move on and try to live a good life. All I want now is to break the hold you have had over me since you died. I want to let go of the past and move on. I want to feel like I have a life again. I don't want to feel guilty anymore. Please give me your blessing and allow me to move on.

Your wife,

Neela


	14. Barbeque

As Neela signed her name to the letter, she heard a car pull up. She check her watch, it was a quarter to three. It had taken her nearly two hours to write the letter. But every word was now imprinted on her memory. It helped crystallise and clarify so much and for the first time in ages she felt a sense of relief. That awful guilt, she thought so many times she was rid of, was finally fading. The priest had given her permission to be angry with Michael and to be brutally honest about the true state of her marriage.

She had hoped to write a letter to Ray too but she had run out of time. She found however there was nothing in the letter to Michael she could not share with Ray. So instead she decided to give Ray the letter to read. It would be easier than talking. Afterwards they could talk.

With that she stood up and went to the bathroom to freshen up. She checked her reflection in the mirror and put on some foundation and lip gloss. She decided to change her top. Then she spritzed some perfume and brushed her hair. She smiled at herself in the mirror and then headed downstairs to meet Ray's sister and children.

As she came into the kitchen, she could hear them outside on the porch. She opened the screen door and everybody turned.

"Jenny," Ray senior said, "this is Neela."

"Hello Neela, I'm very pleased to meet you at long last," she reached out to shake her hand. "Neela these are my two boys. Boys introduce yourselves."

"Hi. I'm James and this is William. I'm nine and he's seven."

"Hello boys, I'm very pleased to meet you."

She looked around and noticed Ray was not there yet.

"Where's Uncle Ray?" William asked.

"He's lying down sweetheart," Jaycee replied.

"Is everything OK?" Jenny asked.

"I thought I told you, he's got Lyme's disease."

"What? That sound serious."

Neela interrupted. "Its not really, they've caught it on time so he should be OK."

"Yeah. The only problem is the bite was on my left stump so I'm wheelchair bound for a few days until I get the all clear." said Ray as he rolled up to join them.

"Hello little brother, how are you?"

Jenny stood up to hug her brother.

"Less of the little, sis."

"Face it Ray, you'll always be my baby brother."

"Uncle Ray."

"Yes William"

"Will you give me a ride in your wheelchair?"

"Sure buddy. Hop up!"

With that Ray took off down the garden path doing wheelies with William on his knee. Neela smiled as she saw them and remembered Ray's attempt at levity when she went to visit him at 'Mercy.' Somehow his joke about putting racing stripes on his chair no longer brought pain to her heart. It was quite simply a Ray witticism. Thank goodness that awful time was behind them.

The afternoon went by in flurry of soccer games, wrestling, wheelchair runs and food. Soon it was 6.30pm, already dark and time Jenny and the boys were saying their goodbyes. Ray announced that he was going to lie down for a while and would join them again later.

Neela went to her room, picked up the letter re-read it and decided to bring it down to Ray straight away. She knocked on the cottage door and called. "Ray, its Neela, can I come in?"

"Come on in, I'm in bed." he replied.

He was propped up in bed reading.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yes. I'm being careful that's all. What's up Roomie?"

"Ray, I wasn't entirely honest about this morning. You see I didn't actually get lost. It started raining and I ducked into a church to shelter. Did I ever tell you how much I like churches?"

Ray smiled. "No. Neela, you never did and last time I checked, you were Sikh."

She frowned. "That does not mean I can't like churches. Well anyhow, I sat in the church for a long time listening to the rain and enjoying the silence and the light. At some point as I sat there I must have sighed because the next thing an elderly priest had commented on my sigh. Anyhow, before I knew it I had told him my entire life story since I arrived in Chicago. I think I was more honest with him and with myself than I've been in a long time.

After our talk, he advised me to write to Michael, talk about our marriage, and then write to you as well. Anyhow, while you were in bed this afternoon I wrote the letter to Michael. I didn't have time to write yours but now I've decided, its probably just easier to give you Michael's letter and let you read it. Its not likely that Michael will object and there's nothing in it I don't want you to know."

"Are you going to wait while I read it?"

"No. There's a lot in it and some of it might be a bit upsetting so I think its better you read it on your own and then let me know when you want to talk. At least I hope you'll want to talk. By the way, if you don't call me I'll be on the back porch at 8.30 with your parents."

"Right I'll talk to you soon."

With that, he opened the letter and started to read.


	15. Aftermath

Before he was half way through the letter, Ray was crying like a baby. Neela expressed or questioned everything he had about Michael's intentions and more. Some of the things she said to Michael were similar to what he had said to her in that hospital room last year. As he read, he started to hate Michael and he began to realise that it was Michael and not Gates who had been the source of his misery. Michael was his real nemesis. Gates had been a mere sideshow.

Michael had been a nice, charming affable guy, the sort of guy you could enjoy a drink with. But Michael had noticed the chemistry between Ray and Neela before they had noticed themselves. So he sought to put a stop to it the only way he knew how, by marrying Neela. Then he had kept up the charade about moving back and getting an apartment when all the time he knew he was not going to stay. The bastard.

He read to the end of the letter and it was the last three words more than anything else that shocked him. 'Your wife, Neela.' Three stark, cold, businesslike words. Not, 'your loving wife,' no 'with love', no 'I miss you', but simply 'your wife, Neela.' No expression of love whatsoever. Poor Neela, he could not begin to imagine the depth of her anger, the rawness of her grief.

He wiped his eyes and reread the letter. This time he did see love in the letter but expressed indirectly not directly. It was expressed in her loyalty for him, Ray, her concern for him and the realisation that he was a victim in this stupid game that Michael had started. This stupid confounded game was still being played out to this day even though Michael had been dead for nearly two and a half years and he realised that he and Neela had to stop it right now. It was a stupid game that they didn't start and that they had only just discovered they were playing like pawns moving aimlessly around a chessboard.

He needed to talk to Neela but they needed to fix things not make them worse and he was afraid to say anything right now. He simply was not sure he could express it properly. He texted her.

'We need to talk just not right away. Please come down anyhow as I need you near me.' While he waited, he read the letter once more. It raised as many questions as it answered.

When she walked into the room, she knew he had been crying. She started to speak but he just shook his head and patted the bed beside him. She went to the living room to get extra cushions then came back and sat into the bed beside him.

"Neela."

"Yes, Ray."

"Before you get too comfortable can you go and tell my parents we won't be joining them. We need to spend time together, we need to talk."

"Sure." She smiled gently at him.

When she returned, he turned to her again beseechingly.

"One more thing, will you please stay with me tonight. I really don't want to spend the night alone."

She nodded, too overcome to speak. Then she sat on the bed beside him and waited. He reached out and pulled her close to him and they lay like that for a long time. Eventually he started to speak. "Neela, please try not to interrupt, just listen. I've read the letter three times and each time it has upset me more. I think right at this moment, I hate Michael Gallant as I've never hated anybody else in my life."

Neela gasped but said nothing.

"He has played us both for fools. He anticipated how you, Pratt and I would behave in every given situation and so he engineered things to prevent us getting together and he may have succeeded. Time will tell."

"No Ray, he didn't plan it."

"Maybe not plan it but he did engineer it."

Neela looked puzzled. He continued.

"Its like you said, he knew you and he knew once you were married, you'd never cheat. He also knew that if you developed feelings for me, you would be consumed by guilt and that guilt would drive us apart and keep us apart. Even after he died, it was the guilt that kept us apart. Right?"

Neela nodded, tears running down her face.

"Don't get me wrong. I don't think he did it maliciously but he did know what he was doing. He knew that if he even hinted he was jealous of me and asked you to move out, that you would fight him. Instead, he became my friend and asked you to marry him in haste. I do believe he thought that if something happened to him things would work themselves out. I think he said as much in his video tape to you."

Neela nodded.

"But Neela, I think we were both in such a state of confusion when he died that we were incapable of acting rationally. I really wanted to be there for you but I should have accepted that you didn't want me and I should have respected your wishes and waited."

They sat in silence for a while before Ray started to talk once more.

"I wasn't sure if you had feelings for me so of course I didn't even consider you might have been feeling guilty. Then of course, when Gates moved in on you I just lost the run of myself and behaved like a jealous teenager over and over and over again. I'm sorry."

"Ray you've nothing to apologise for."

"Neela, I should have understood what you were going through. I should have believed you and trusted you when you said you would finish with Gates. Most importantly, I should have been patient and not put pressure on you. My behaviour the day of Abby and Luca's wedding was unforgivable."

"Let's face it Ray. Gate's own behaviour was hardly laudable and if I was to score it, his behaviour that day was worse than yours and I did eventually call him on it."

"What do you mean you called him on it?" he said with a frown.

"You do know we had already broken up by the time you started fighting with him."

Ray looked at her in disbelief.

"Yes. I hadn't intended doing it until we were by ourselves but he started getting too fresh so I told him it was over and to back off."

She didn't notice how quiet Ray had become.

"After you stormed off, he started behaving as if he had done me a favour and as if he was totally blameless in the whole incident and well I gave him a piece of my mind. When things had calmed down, I went looking for you and it was a lot later when Pratt told me he had sent you home. That's when I phoned."

"If I hadn't been so stubborn and headstrong, I probably would not have had my accident."

"Ray don't think like that, what's in the past is in the past and cannot be changed. We really should not dwell on the 'what ifs'."

He looked at her with tears in his eyes.

" You don't understand, you see, I saw you on the balcony with him that night, I thought you were playing games with me again so I went to the bar to get as drunk as I could and then I picked that damn fight with Gates."

"Ray, don't do this, it's not healthy."

"Neela, why didn't I behave like an adult and confront you?" he said tearfully.

"Enough now! Hush."

And she held him in her arms like a baby.

He cried as though his heart was breaking.

She continued to hold him for a very long time.

Eventually he sat up, "Neela, could you get me a drink?"

"Sure, what would you like?"

"It doesn't matter. Water will be fine."

Neela returned from the fridge.

"I found two cold beers and felt we could both do with one."

He laughed hoarsely. She handed him the two open bottles and proceeded to fix the pillows and bed covers. Then she sat on the bed beside him once more and he handed her one of the bottles and took a swig from the other.

"That feels good," he said.

"You know," she said, "it really helped to write that letter, I'm just sorry it caused you such anguish to read it."

He shook his head, "I figure you went through the same anguish this morning in the church, am I right?" he asked and looked at her.

"Yes. It was pretty traumatic. To finally admit, I was carrying this huge guilt because I cared more for you than I did for my husband, was really hard."

"Now, you've acknowledged that if you did care more for me then it was at least in part his own fault. It really is important to stop feeling guilty."

"I know."

"How many rows did you have with him?"

She grimaced as she looked at him, "Just one serious one, when he talked about going back to Iraq."

"Well then, this letter was your second row and just like any other row, you've got to let it go and put it behind you. You need to forgive him and let him go. I need to do the same. He was a good man. He just made a stupid mistake that he didn't stay around to fix. If he had lived, it would never have gotten this complicated."

Neela looked at Ray in awe, his depth and maturity amazed her.

"That's very magnanimous Ray," she said.

He looked up and smiled mischievously. Then he continued. "It would never have gotten this complicated but it might have ended up in fisticuffs at Abby and Luca's wedding all the same."

With that they both laughed.

"You're right Ray; we need to put this behind us."

Then they sat in companionable silence and finished their beers. It reminded Ray of that night long ago, when he had been stood up by a hot date and Neela had had a disasterous experience at a medical conference. He smiled as he remembered. That had been the first time he realised that he had feelings for Neela, that might be more than platonic. How ironic, it seemed everybody at work had recognised before he and Neela, that he was in love with her. Water under the bridge, now, he thought. The past should stay in the past. He took the last swig of his beer and reached and put the empty bottle on the bedside table.

"Neela, can you get my chair?"

"Whatever for?"

"I want to go outside. I've had an idea."

She took out his chair and he eased himself into it.

Holding the letter between his thighs, he went to the little kitchenette and took something out of the drawer. Then he headed toward the door.

"Are you coming?"

"What's going on?" she said as she held the door for him.

"Nothing, without your say so."


	16. Not exactly 21 guns

It was 11.30pm and his parents had long since gone inside. The main house was in darkness.

"OK, Neela, do you see this letter?"

"Yes."

"Does anyone else need to read it?"

"No."

"Do you need to keep it?"

"I um … I haven't really thought about it. I don't suppose so."

"Then, can I suggest we get rid of it. It was an angry leave taking, nothing more. You've shared it with me and both of us are aware of what it contains but we really don't need a reminder. Michael was a good man and we need to let go of the anger and bitterness and remember him with kindness and accept that he would have fixed things if he had come back."

Neela could not believe what she was hearing. Was this the same man who only a few hours ago said he hated Michael more than he had hated anybody else in his life? Was this really the man who only very recently had blamed Michael for all of his woes? She knew in that moment she loved Ray Barnett, this incredible, brave and generous man, with her whole being. He was right, what was written in that letter was not for others to read. It was a private letter, between her and her husband. She had shared the contents with her best friend. Nobody else needed to read it. Her life with Michael was in the past and should stay in the past.

"OK Ray, what had you in mind?"

With that Ray took a cigarette lighter from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Before we start, I'd just like to say a few words.

Neela, I regret to this day, not having gone to Michaels funeral, for your sake and for Michaels. Pratt advised me not to and I now believe that was bad advice. Regardless of how my feelings for you had complicated things, both you and Michael were my friends and I owed it to you both to be there.

Now all that remains to say is that I know he would have wanted you to get on with your life and be fulfilled and happy. There are no 21 gun salutes here tonight but as we light this small fire in his memory, I pray that Michael may rest in peace and that we can continue with our lives as we see fit and with his blessing."

With this, he proffered the sheaf of paper and Neela lit it with the cigarette lighter. He held it for as long as he could. Then he dropped it to the ground and watched as it continued to burn until all that remained was dark grey paper ash. They stood there for a long time with their heads bowed holding hands and watched as the ash blew away. Eventually Ray complained it was getting cold and suggested they move inside. She excused herself for a few minutes and headed to her room promising to return.

When she got back, he was in bed. She stripped off to get in beside him and he noticed that she was wearing a cute little camisole and knickers. That must have been why she went to her room. He noticed also that she had brushed her teeth and put on some perfume. He smiled as he pulled her towards him.

"Ray?"

He smiled and said, "Yes Neela?"

"I love you."

It was as if he had been hit by a thunderbolt. He really wasn't expecting that. He gulped and looked deeply into her eyes. He could see his love reflected there.

"I love you too, Neela, from the bottom of my heart."

Then they kissed a long, slow, deep, passionate kiss. They started to caress each other and it was like they knew instinctively what pleased the other. They became engrossed and partook for a long time in this game of mutual pleasuring. As they adjusted positions in the bed Ray stopped suddenly.

"Neela."

"Yes Ray."

She sat up and looked into the eyes of a scared insecure little boy.

"I haven't …. I mean." he couldn't meet her eyes.

"Ray, what's the matter?"

He looked up and she could see pain and embarrassment in his eyes, then he looked away again as he said, "This … this is the first time I've been with someone since my accident. What we've done 'til now has been like riding a bicycle but from here on I'm not sure what to do," he looked at her and continued with a shrug, "I can't move the same way." He blushed and she felt her heart swell once more with love and tenderness.

She looked deep into his eyes, smiled and shyly said.

"Maybe for tonight you should let me do the moving, just lie back and I'll go on top."

"Neela wait."

"What's up now, she whispered."

"There are condoms in the drawer."

"Its ok Ray, I've already taken precautions," she smiled.

Once more, she caught him by surprise.

With that, she sat astride him and started gyrating as she massaged his chest and shoulders. He could feel himself getting harder and he moaned in pleasure. She could feel him too. He reached for her and pulled her close. Then she was sitting up again and with a swift movement, she removed her top.

He gazed at her breasts longingly but was brought back to reality for a moment when he saw the ugly scar that extended from just below her breastbone to her navel and he thanked God for her safe deliverance. He touched the scar gently and ran his thumb along it, she moaned. Then he pulled her towards him, kissed, and suckled her breasts. They continued to pet and touch for a long time, massaging, stroking, feeling the electricity course through each other's bodies.

He could feel his erection growing. He didn't know quite how she did it but suddenly she was naked and so was he. She raised herself and allowed him to enter her from below. There was no fumbling; it was instinctive as if they had done it a thousand times before. It was as if they were joined together as they made the most beautiful, intimate music. Then he felt her coming and he came too in a crescendo of noise, light and colour. They collapsed on each other and remained joined together in the bliss of climax. Then they curled into each other like two foetuses in the womb and slept.

Some hours later, he awoke feeling chilled. He knew he was not fully better yet but he was on the mend. She was fast asleep in his arms, her head on his shoulder. He shivered, reached for the bed covers and pulled them up over them both. He looked at her as she slept and was overwhelmed by the love he felt for her. Not in his wildest imaginings, when he started reading Neela's letter to Michael, had he ever expected the night to end like this. His only concern now was where to from here? Today Neela went back to Chicago. What then?


	17. The morning after

It was light when next he woke. He picked up his phone, 7.45am. He looked down at her sleeping form. She would be leaving in a few hours he thought as a fist seemed to reach up and squeeze his gut. He would miss her so much.

As he lay there quietly waiting for her to stir, he started to recall her letter. Certain phrases started to play on his mind and he wondered did they apply to him too.

'Love and attraction is not enough to hold a marriage together,' she had said to Michael. How true this was and it applied to relationships in general not just those that ended in marriage. Did he and Neela have what it took? Were they destined to go the distance?

He had a fair idea what Neela wanted from life, what made her tick. He also accepted that they were very different people but he enjoyed those differences. That's what had kept their friendship fresh when they lived together. He supposed it would transfer into their relationship too. Relationship, he thought to himself and grinned. He was in a relationship with Neela. He shook his head in disbelief. But there were still things to be sorted. The problem was he had changed in the last 18 months and because of this his plans had changed.

He, no longer saw himself going back to Chicago and that was a potential problem. He could not say he would never go back just not in the short to medium term. He had just negotiated a very attractive residency package which would see him complete the last 14 months of his residency over 18 months. He knew very few hospitals would be willing or able to accommodate him like this. He had started in September and was gradually increasing his hours. He was amazed that they had not asked him to start his third year residency again. But there were extenuating circumstances and all reports of his professional development from HR at 'County' had been very positive. He hoped to have completed his outstanding third year hours by November. Then they were allowing him to officially start his fourth year residency at the beginning of December and run it through to the end of February of the following year. This was almost unheard of but he was taking part in a workplace study focussed on disability and the hospital was receiving substantial funding to take part in it. He hoped that all going to plan, by August of next year he would be working full time. In the mean-time he had to learn to pace himself and gradually build up his stamina. Another aspect of the programme here, that was of interest to him, was that he could specialise in paediatrics, something he had always wanted to do and something he was not able to do in Chicago.

He sighed loudly as he pondered this dilemma and he wondered if, after all, his and Neela's life and career plans were on the same trajectory. He had never been naïve enough to presume that their lives would run smoothly from here on in. He only hoped she wouldn't regret last night once she discovered he would not be following her back to Chicago. Maybe he should have told her before they made love but he really hadn't thought of it in the course of the emotional drama that was last night.

Finally shortly before 8.30am he felt her stir.

"Good morning, lover boy, she smiled through sleepy eyes."

"Good morning" he smiled as he bent down to kiss her. "No need to ask did you sleep well. You didn't move all night."

She smiled "That was the best night's sleep I've had in ages. What preceded it was pretty terrific also."

He smiled but then became serious.

"Neela, we need to talk."

"I though we'd done all our serious talking last night."

"There's something I forgot to mention and it's very important."

"OK, shoot."

"Neela, I love you very much, I'm not sure when I fell in love with you. All I know is that I love you and I hope I always will."

"But … !" she said … waving her arm and gesturing him to continue.

"You remember in your letter to Michael, you spoke of people needing to have mutual aims and goals and respect for what the other wanted to achieve."

"Yes. I suppose I did refer to all that. How does that apply to us?"

"Well, I've a fair idea of your plans for the next two to three years and they all revolve around your surgical residency in Chicago."

"I guess so."

"Well Neela the thing is … You know how I've been doing hours here at General."

"Yes, to keep you in practice, so to speak."

"That's not entirely true. You see, I've just negotiated a very attractive residency package with them which sees me committed to staying here until the end of February 2010."

"What about County?"

"If I were to complete my residency in County, I would have to go back full time. It's at least another 6 months even more before I'm fit for that which means it would be probably be 2011 before I've completed my residency. This is the most practical option for me Neela. The other thing is up until now I've quite enjoyed living in Baton Rouge again. The thought of living in Chicago on my own has been pretty daunting."

"You wouldn't be on your own."

"I know that now," he smiled. " There are some other things." he continued. "I'm actually taking part in a study on disability in the workplace. This is something the hospital is seriously committed to and is getting good funding for. Its something that I am committed to as well. But, all that aside" he smiled, "the most attractive part of the package for me is that I get a chance to specialise in paediatrics."

"Wow Ray, you've always been interested in paediatrics. This sounds like a really fantastic opportunity for you."

" I think so. But where does that leave us?"

"It leaves us with all the time in the world."

He looked at her quizzically.

"Ray. Look, I know how I feel about you and I'm fairly sure I now know how you feel about me. I've been quite lost since Michael died and have been longing to get close to someone again, but I am in absolutely no hurry to make any long-term decisions right now and after my last disaster, I have no plans to settle down any time soon."

He looked almost disappointed.

She smiled mischievously and then continued.

"Of course Dr. Barnett, if the new, serious you wants to settle down and marry," she shook her head in mock sadness poked him in the chest and continued in the most awful Scarlett O'Hara impersonation he had ever heard. "y'all had better go out 'n fahnd yo sel a new laav." With this she collapsed in peals of laughter. Ray cringed, but really he was captivated by the frivolous young thing, who had now replaced the serious surgical intern Neela Rasgotra.

"Neela," he said, smiling, "don't worry, I'm in no hurry." Then he frowned. "Will you promise me one thing?" She became serious when she saw his expression. "What's that Ray?"

"If at some point in the future, you change your mind and decide once more that medicine is no longer your career of choice, please under no circumstance consider becoming an actor." She looked at him with a puzzled expression, then, as the penny dropped, she grabbed her pillow and started to pummel him.

Laughing, he wrestled the pillow from her grasp flung it to the floor and grabbed her, "Come here you crazy woman," he said as enfolded her in his arms and started to kiss her passionately. They were soon lost in a frenzy of lust and desire.

Shortly before 9am, she suggested they shower together. He was amazed at how much he had relaxed in three short days. Even on Friday, the idea of being so intimate with somebody would have made him feel very uncomfortable. The past year and a half was the only time in his adult life he had abstained from sex for more than two weeks.

For the past 18 months the thought of being so close to someone, of being so vulnerable, emasculated him. Yet with her, he had no sense of inadequacy. She made him feel so complete in every way. It seemed so natural to accept her help getting from bed to chair and chair to shower; there was no awkwardness, no resentment.

He was glad his parents had installed a wet room. It gave them room to manoeuvre. The hand held shower plus shower jets were an added bonus. He sat in his shower chair the power jets pummelling his back and waited while she massaged shampoo into his hair then he put his head back and allowed the shower rinse it away. It felt so wonderful. Then she sat at his feet as he massaged shampoo into her long luxurious locks. He lifted her face and kissed her, and then he took the shower hose from the wall and rinsed her hair. When he was finished, he pulled her gently to her feet, handed her the shower gel and held out his hand. She squeezed some gel into his hand then sat astride him. While she squeezed shower gel into her own hands and started to work up a lather, he started lathering and massaging shower gel into her body.

Then she joined in and started to massage him. His touch on her body made her tingle and she responded by massaging him harder and harder. She held his face between her soapy breasts and she could feel the growing heat between her legs as his penis grew hard beneath her. She gyrated her hips and he moaned. His eyes were closed. She closed her eyes too and lost herself in the sensuousness of their mutual pleasuring. It was electric.

They blindly sought each other out and kissed, drinking deeply of each other. She stood and massaged his penis until he thought he would explode; then she spread her legs and bending slightly forward she very gently lowered herself onto him until she could feel his hard throbbing member deep inside her sending currents through her as nobody ever had before. She cried in ecstasy and he reached for her and pulled her closer. He buried his face in her wet hair and he thrust himself deeper inside her as she held him. He thrust until she felt she could bear it no longer, then he came, deep within her and they collapsed in each others' arms as she felt him melt within her and they became one.

They remained there for a long time, like two vines entwined, allowing the water from the shower to wash over them, she with her head curved down onto the back of his shoulder, him with his head pillowed on her breasts. Neither knew if they were laughing or crying, but what each knew was that they did not want this moment to end.

Eventually, he looked up, pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. He murmured hoarsely. "Its getting late." She nodded in disappointment and reached to turn off the taps. She stood up and went to get two towels. He smiled as he watched her.

"What?" she asked.

"You are beautiful and I love you very much."

"I love you too."


	18. Last Day!

They busied themselves dressing. Before he dressed, Neela checked his stump and confirmed that the rash was gone. Then she headed to her room while Ray stayed to phone his consultant. They agreed to meet in the kitchen for breakfast when they were ready.

During the phone-call, Ray outlined to his consultant what had happened. He confirmed that he had been wearing his pressure dressings for the past 24 hours and that they were causing him no discomfort and any of the weight bearing exercises he'd done over the past 48 hours had not caused him any discomfort. Furthermore, all sign of the rash had disappeared. The consultant said that it was quite alright to use his prostheses again and that in fact even if he could not wear them full time it was important that he put some weight on his legs. He advised him to rest regularly, however, and not to overdo it and to call him at once for an appointment if he thought there was a problem. Ray thanked him and hung up.

Then, he rang the ER to check his schedule. He spoke to Dr. Black who confirmed that they had covered his two shifts for the coming week, and that he was not now on duty again until Tuesday, Friday and Sunday of the following week.

"By the way Ray, we just got the results of your tests back, they confirm Dr. Baker's diagnosis. You've got Lyme disease so you need to rest as much as possible. The antibiotics should do the trick in a few days."

"Thanks Dr. Black," Ray said as he hung up.

A full week off, he would have to find something to keep him busy.

It was high time he took out his guitar and music equipment, he hadn't played since he came back to Baton Rouge. At first it was because, he simply did not have the time but then he found he just didn't have the heart. Now for the first time since his accident, he felt he really wanted to play again. His heart rose.

He sat on the bed and put on his prostheses. Then he stood and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Even though it had only been two days it felt strange walking tall again. But, he smiled to himself, it really was like riding a bike, once you learn, you never forget.

When he walked into the kitchen, his mother and Neela were deep in conversation. His mum had made pancakes and there was fresh fruit and maple syrup. They both looked up and smiled as he entered.

"You're back on your feet again!" Neela said as she stood to hug him.

"Yes and its really good to be looking down on you once more," he said as he bent and kissed her. Neela blushed.

"Neela, there's no need to be embarassed, I'll have you know, my mom has seen me do far worse than kiss a girl."

"Ray!" Neela blushed even more, "that's far too much information," he hugged her to him.

"Well," said Jayce "I am delighted the weekend has been such a success for both of you. Neela dear, now I know part of the reason my son has seemed so lost this past year."

Neela smiled and looked from Ray to Jayce.

"I've been lost without him as well Jayce." she said and her eyes welled up.

With that they sat and had breakfast.

"Mom, I was going to bring Neela on a plantation tour and then take her straight to the airport. Do you want to join us?"

"No thanks Ray, I think I'll leave you two lovebirds on your own today."

Neela's heart soared as she heard the description, lovebirds.

It was eleven before Neela headed to her room to finish packing. Her flight was at four but she needed to be at the airport for three so they would need to be heading toward New Orleans by 1.45. That would give them approximately 2 hours at the plantation. By 11.00, they were saying their goodbyes. They headed south in the direction of New Orleans and twenty minutes later they were pulling into the carpark at one of the plantations en route.

They went to the reception desk. The next tour was starting at 12pm and would take approximately an hour. They paid their entrance fee and went to look at a photographic display and audiovisual presentation while thay waited. At five minutes to twelve they went to the meeting point for the tour. There were already about 15 people waiting. Promptly at 12pm the tour guide came and started to tell the history of the house and the family who had lived there. All across the south there were many similar stories. Ray and Neela strolled through the house, hand in hand. After the house she brought them on a short tour of the grounds to show restored slave accommodation as well as the buildings that were used in the production and storage of cotton. It had been a huge industrial complex manned by more than 200 slaves. There were slaves to run the house more to run the farm and other slaves to work the cotton plantation. She was totally engrossed in what the tour guide was talking about when Ray turned to her. "Neela, I think I'm going to bow out for a while, I need to sit down, I've been standing for too long." She looked at him full of concern. He held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes reassuringly.

"Neela, its nothing, honest, its just that I was off my feet for 2 ½ days and I need to rest up. Please stay and finish the tour, I'll be on one of the benches on the path overlooking the river when you've finished." He pointed in the direction of the front of the house. He bent and kissed her and whispered. "Please wait, I'll be upset if you cut this tour short on my account. I'll see you in 20 minutes or thereabouts." With that, he strolled off. Somehow, with him gone, the tour did not seem half as interesting and after another ten minutes, she decided to go and find him. She smiled to herself, how lovesick was she?

She found him sitting on a bench in the shade of a huge oak tree. The panorama was quite spectacular, with beautiful views of the Mississippi stretching North to Baton Rouge and on the horizon to the south you could just make out the New Orleans skyline. She saw as she approached that he was writing in a little notebook.

"What are you writing?" she asked as she approached.

"Hey," he smiled "is the tour over already?"

"No. I just got bored once you were gone." she smiled.

"How are you now?"

"I'm fine, honest, I just needed to rest up."

"So?"

He looked at her quizzically.

"What are you writing?"

"Oh," he smiled, "would you believe it" he said shyly "I've had no desire or inclination to play or write music since my accident. Just this morning, I decided I might take out my guitar and equipment and just now I felt inspired to jot down notes for a song. Luckily I had my notebook with me."

"My goodness, I was trying to figure out what was missing all weekend. How sad."

"Yeah, some sort of psychological block, I guess."

"Did you miss it?"

"No. I really did not want to play. I guess I just had too much else going on. It was strange really. It was like I was disconnected from music somehow. There was no pain associated with it just zero desire."

"You know," he smiled wickedly, " I think I get it, it probably had something to do with the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll thing. Thanks Neela, that's obviously something else you've restored to me," he said with a wink. She laughed.

"Do you fancy looking around a bit more,? he asked, "We've still got time."

"No. Lets just sit here, its nice."

They were quiet for a while and then Ray said.

"You know, I still feel them."

"What do you mean?"

He put his hand out and flexed and bent his fingers.

"You see that? I do that to my toes as well but I look down and there's nothing moving. Its even weirder when I don't have my prostheses on. My brain tells me they're there. Yet I know they're not. My shin bone gets itchy and I go to scratch it. I get a cramp in my calf and I bend to massage it or try to flex something that's not there."

She shivered.

"Hey Neela, I'm sorry, to upset you like that." he looked at her earnestly then put his arm around her. "Its just so good to be able to talk to someone. I haven't talked about this openly to anyone except my shrink."

"Its fine Ray," she said shaking her head, "I'm glad you're comfortable discussing this with me. It's just the way you talked about it just now, it all sounded so clinical. I have conversations like this frequently with patients and don't think about it. Its just so different when it's someone you know and care about. Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Please don't shut me out, ever. Listening to you just then, brings home the horror of what you've had to cope with on your own. Please don't ever feel you have to do that again."

"Neela, I wasn't on my own."

She looked at him and her look said more than a thousand words.

They were quiet again for a while.

Then Neela said, "Ray!"

"Yeah!"

"I'm getting hungry, should we head toward the airport and grab something to eat there?"

Ray checked his watch, it was almost 1.00pm. They had about a ½ hour to spare.

"Actually, I've a better idea. There's a shack down the road that does really good Cajun food, how about we head there."

"That sounds like a really great idea."

They headed toward the car. A few miles down the road they pulled in at a rest stop, where there was a vending stall and tables. They went up to order. Ray suggested they order a selection and she agreed. Then they brought their food and drink to a table by a grove of trees. The table had a large umbrella to give extra shade. They shared a lunch of wonderful, spicy Cajun fare and enjoyed the autumn sunshine. What a wonderful end to a memorable trip?


	19. Parting is such sweet sorrow

Ray parked in a disabled parking spot when they arrived at the airport and they unloaded Neela's bag from the back. Looking at this handsome strapping young man, Neela found it hard to believe that he was disabled. She was still in awe of his courage and determination.

It took 10 minutes to check in her bag. Then they went and sat until it was time for her to go through to departures.

"You'll call me as soon as you arrive home?"

"Yes. I should be back in my apartment by about 7.30pm. I'm on at midnight and working through to 10am."

"I'll phone you at home at 11am tomorrow. You should be home by then, right?"

"I should think so, if not, you can reach me on my cell."

"When's your next shift after that?"

"Friday afternoon."

He turned and stared at her.

"You mean, you're going back to cover one shift, then you're off again until Friday." Ray said in surprise.

Neela shrugged.

"I was just so glad to get the weekend off, I didn't stop to think."

"If you swapped, you could have stayed longer."

"I … I never thought. Anyhow, how were we to know the weekend would have gone so well? You might have been glad to see the back of me."

"Never."

"Well, what's done is done," she retorted.

"Have you any plans for the week?"

"No. I just need to catch up on washing and housework and I guess get in some more R&R. Look Ray, I really have to go or I'm going to miss my flight."

"I know, come on." With that he took her hand, walked her to the security gate. He turned to her held her face in his hands and kissed her goodbye. "I'll miss you."

"Me too!" She could feel tears welling again.

"Phone me when you get home."

"Of course," she said as she walked through the gate.

"We can talk tomorrow about when and where we're going to meet again," he shouted after her.

She turned back and nodded. She was too choked to say anything more. Then she turned and was gone.

He stood there and watched until she had disappeared, then he went upstairs to the viewing lounge, got a coffee and sat for a long time watching the planes take off and land. He was lost in thought. Eventually he decided to head home to get some rest. He felt fine but no point pushing himself just yet. He stood up scrunched up his paper cup and threw it in the nearest bin. Then he headed to his car. He looked pensive as he drove back toward Baton Rouge.


	20. Same ol', same ol'

It was after 11am the following day when Neela got back to her apartment. Apart from the fact that she was missing Ray like crazy, it felt like she had never been away. As she put her key in the lock, she heard her phone ringing. She hurried to answer it and of course, it was him.

"Hi, how was the graveyard shift?"

"Same ol', same ol! How are you feeling today?"

"Getting bored, looking for things to do, I guess that must mean I'm recovered."

"Well, at least you're on the mend."

"Mind you, speaking of things to do, I could think of quite a lot, I wouldn't mind doing with you right now."

"Ray Barnett!" she exclaimed. They laughed together. "You know what?" she said. "I don't think I have the energy right now?"

"Maybe later, what do you say?"

"What had you in mind?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

She laughed. 'Did this mean they'd try some phone sex later?' she thought naughtily.

"Oh! By the way, I met Morris as I was leaving, he'd heard where I was for the weekend and said to say hello? He insists you get up for a visit ASAP."

"I think we could arrange that, as soon as I get a few days together. What do you say?"

"That sounds like a plan and the sooner the better. Just make sure I'm not working the entire time you're here. What's all the noise I can hear in the background by the way?"

"Would you believe it if I told you I was in a shopping mall?"

"No, actually, I wouldn't. You hate shopping."

He started to laugh. Neela could hear someone talking to him.

"Look Neela, I've got to go here. I'll call again at say, three o'clock. What do you say?"

"Make it four or four thirty, I really need my sleep."

"Oh. By the way, if you're trying to reach me before that, I'll be out and about so call my cell. Sleep well and pleasant dreams. Love you."

She felt a warm glow spread through her. She smiled. "Thanks. I love you too." It felt so good to say that.

After she hung up, she took the phone off the hook again, went to her bedroom and pulled the blackout blinds. They had been the best investment ever. Then she threw herself under the bedcovers and was soon unconscious.

The sound of her door buzzer woke her. She ignored it at first, but whoever it was, was persistent. She looked at her bedside clock; it was twenty past four. She had only had five hours sleep. She was feeling murderous as she made her way to the door. "Who is it?"

"Neela, it's me?"

It was Archie Morris, now what did he want?

"Just a minute, Archie."

Frowning, she ran to throw on some jogging pants, splashed her face and brushed her hair.

Then she threw open the door.

"Archie, didn't you know I was on night shift last night?" she said crossly.

"Sorry, but this couldn't wait,"

" … what are you doing with that?" she said as she spotted the wheelchair he was pushing."

"This is a special delivery that I 'ahem' borrowed for your house-guest."

"House-guest? I don't … …" she stopped dead as Ray appeared in her line of vision.

He smiled at her and said, "you did say to make sure you were not working the entire time I was here. Therefore, I figured there was no time like the present. Anyhow, heaven only knows when both of us will have time off together again with the kind of hours we work."

As she stared with her mouth open, he continued.

"There are so few residents in our ER in Baton Rouge that it's very difficult for me to swap shifts. Also my current contract restricts me to working day on day off and of course I know the kind of workaholic you are." he teased.

"Well, are you going to let me in or are you going to stand there with your mouth open all day?"

She jumped at him and he backed back, hands held in front and said.

"Hey! Steady or you'll knock me over."

"Sorry" She said sheepishly. "I forgot."

"Well guys," Archie said, "I think I'll take off."

They both looked at him and Neela said, "no Archie, come on in. I'm just putting on some coffee."

"Look, you've got some catching up to do, so its better I leave you to it," he said, being surprisingly discreet.

"Archie,"

"Yes. Neela."

"Thanks for your help. How about we meet up at Ike's later, maybe see who else is around?"

"You both sure about that?"

They looked at each other and Ray responded.

"That sounds like a great idea. It will be good to catch up with people," he smiled. "What time shall we meet?"

"How about we see you between eight and eight-thirty," Neela said.

"That sounds like a plan," Archie responded. "By the way Ray."

"Yeah!"

"I think Pratt would be happy to see you finally had that talk."

he said welling up.

Ray reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

"I guess he would Archie, I guess he would."

"Archie," Neela said, "are you sure you won't stay for coffee."

He turned to her with one eyebrow raised.

"No Neela, like I said, I think you guys need to get caught up before Ike's."

He turned with a meaningful grin and was gone. Neela and Ray laughed.

They closed the door after him.


	21. Remember the 'Roomies'

"Ray Barnett," she screeched in delight, "you are absolutely crazy."

He looked at her seriously. "Not at all Neela. After you left, it was as if I'd lost another limb, I ached I missed you so much. Moreover, it's true what I said, this might be the last chance I have for months to come to Chicago. You see, I still can't work two shifts back to back.

Furthermore, as I tend to work day on day off, I am very lucky if I even get more than two days off together. This may be the only week I have free for ages. Take into account the cost of airfares and if we see each other again between now and Christmas, it will probably be because you fly down to see me for three or four days."

"In that case," she said sadly, we need to make the most of things."

He looked at her and nodded.

"By the way, were you at the airport that time I asked you where you were?" she asked placing her hands on hips.

"I was. In fact I was just getting ready to board," he grinned raising his hand defensively.

"But you told me you were in a shopping mall."

"No, I didn't," he said with a grin, "what I said was, 'would you believe me if I said I was in a shopping mall' and you did say you wouldn't," he answered cockily.

"How did you organise things so quickly?"

"Oh, that was easy, on the way home I got thinking about what a shame it was you had not cancelled your shift, and then you could have stayed longer. Then I realised we were both free for the rest of the week and I got to thinkin'. First I thought I could book you a flight down but then I realised we'd lose more time. Suddenly for the first time since I settled in Baton Rouge, I felt homesick for Chicago so I thought if Mohammad can't come to the mountain, there was nothing to stop the mountain going to Mohammad."

"Clever boy!"

"I always told you I wasn't just a pretty face!" he smiled raising his eyebrow. "Well, as soon as I got home, I went on the internet and booked a flight," Ray spread his arms and said, "So here I am." With that, she threw herself into his open arms.

"I could kill you with kisses."

He looked down at her and replied.

"That sounds like a plan but before you do, I need to get off my feet for a while especially if we're heading to Ike's later?"

He sat into his chair and proceeded to remove his prostheses. It was strange how quickly she had gotten used to watching him do that. It was now a part of him and no big deal.

"This apartment is going to be rather tight for your wheelchair," Neela apologised.

He reached up and caught her hand. "Don't worry, I'll manage, I'm sure we can move the furniture round a bit if needs be."

"What about the bathroom? I'm sure the door's too narrow," she fussed.

"If it is I can walk in."

"But what about the shower?"

"Neela, stop fussing, I'll manage, honest!"

"It's just; well I want you to be comfortable."

"Neela," he said in mock seriousness, "let's not get too hung up on the logistics of how I'm going to pee I'll work something out. OK?"

With this Neela started to laugh.

"Come here," he said catching her hand and pulling her toward the sofa.

She was still amazed at how quickly he could get out of his chair and onto a sofa or bed.

"I know it's only been a day but I've really missed you," with this, he proceeded to kiss her.

"Me too, but Ray,"

"Yes Neela,"

"I'm hungry and I badly need a cup of tea."

He smiled lovingly at her.

"You'd better look after yourself then."

"Would you like anything? I'm making some cheese on toast; I'll get something more substantial at Ike's."

"Cheese on toast sounds great and I haven't had a decent cup of tea since you moved out of my old place."

"I still miss that apartment, you know. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, moving out of there." She sighed and shrugged, "it was just back then, I needed to make space for Michael and me."

She handed him his cup of tea.

"Water under the bridge now, Neela," he said as he raised his cup and said, "Here's to new beginnings."

"New beginnings," she said as her eyes welled up.

She brought over the plate of toasted cheese and sat down beside him. It was like old times, two roomies sharing a snack.

"Neela, there's something else I need to do before we go to Ike's."

"What's that?"

"I need to phone Katey and let her know I'm in town."

She became quiet.

"Look Neela. Katey made it quite clear to me when I was in the hospital that we were well and truly over. We became genuine friends in the course of that week and we've remained in touch since. She's been great and yes, she's been to visit. In fact the last time she was down she brought her boyfriend."

"That must have been strange."

"Not really." He shook his head, "I never had strong feelings for her and even though she had started to fall for me, once she backed off the feelings fizzled fairly quickly. Nevertheless, I'd like to think, with your blessing of course, that we could remain friends. Brad, her boyfriend is a great guy and they're good together.

She's at 'Mercy' now, but just in case someone from County has been in contact about this evening, I'd like to phone her. Out of courtesy I think I should be the one to tell her what's been going on in my life."

Neela smiled at him and shook her head.

"The new you continues to amaze me."

"I'm not that different, surely?"

"The heart may be the same but there's more substance to it and the head is very different, more thoughtful, more considerate, more masterful."

"Take care, Dr. Rasgotra or I am going to get a very swelled head."

"As long as you know the danger exists, you'll be fine," she bent down and kissed him, "now off you go and make your phone call. I need a shower. By the way, pass on my regards. She was, after all, my best student to date."

"That's high praise indeed! Yes," he grimaced, "dating your student was not one of my wiser moves."

"Like you said already Ray, water under the bridge."

With that, she started readying herself. As she walked from the bedroom to the bathroom, she heard him talking to Katey.

"Wow, Katey, you guys didn't waste much time. Congratulations! It's fantastic news. Brad's a lucky Guy. … … … … …

Thanks, that sounds great. Neela's in the shower at the moment so I'll have to get back to you once I've checked if she has any plans."

He waved her into the bathroom and continued,

"I arrived unannounced so I'm not exactly sure if she has anything on for the week. One way or the other, I'll meet up with you. …

Pardon. … … … … … … …

I'm definitely here until Friday and I may yet stay the weekend. Look Katey. I'll phone you tomorrow and make definite plans. Once again, I'm delighted for you and Brad. You have a good night… . Bye."

When Neela came out of the bathroom, Ray was surfing the channels on the TV.

"Did I understand that right?"

"Yes. Katey and Brad just got engaged and we've been invited to the engagement party Thursday night."

She shuddered.

"Look Neela, there's no pressure. But even if we do go, we've an excuse to leave early as you're working Friday."

"Whatever." Neela said with an awkward shrug.

Ray looked at her and said.

"She obviously never talked to you before she left 'County'."

"No; why?"

"She told me what she said to you that day at 'Mercy'. It was pretty mean. By the time, she told me about it, she was not feeling very proud of herself. No more than my behaviour on that day, her's was a pure knee-jerk reaction to a very traumatic week. She had intended to apologise but she either lost courage or just did not get the time."

"More water under the bridge I guess. By the way," she continued, "on a similar theme, Gates and I are good friends now. He's been very kind to me in the past year."

Ray frowned.

She looked at him beseechingly. "Can you at least try for my sake to let bygones be bygones? You expect me to make an effort for Katey; surely you can do the same for Tony!"

He shrugged and looked down at his hands.

She continued, "Had you heard he's going out with Sam now?"

Ray looked up in surprise, "Sam and Gates, I would never have put those two together!"

That was one bit of gossip, Pratt had not relayed.

Neela laughed, "They're actually good together!"

"Well if Sam can handle him, I'm sure that I can be civil."

"Thanks Ray, you'll see, he's mellowed," she continued, "he's actually an excellent ER doctor. I think the problem when he was an intern, was that he was older than most of the attendings and residents. Furthermore, he had years of experience as a Paramedic. So, of course instead of looking for directions, he was more often than not giving directions or acting on his own initiative, a trait of a good resident or attending."

"But, not an ideal trait in an intern." Ray continued.

"Yes," he said sardonically, "there were some pretty interesting situations in the ER that year. It was so frustrating working with a gung-ho intern. We were all terrified of having to take the fall for him. Pratt and Morris were at their wits end at times. After all, their asses were on the line if things went wrong."

"I hadn't really thought of that." Neela responded pensively.

Ray looked at her, shrugged once more and said,

"I guess now that he's a resident and is responsible for whatever decisions he makes, that could work out." he pulled her towards him shook his head and said, "Dr. Rosgotra, when did you become such a great student of human nature?" Then he bent and kissed her.


	22. Almost like old times

The night at Ike's was almost like old times. But, Neela felt sad as she looked around and noticed the missing faces. Luca and Abby were of course settling into their new life in Boston but Morris' exaggerated attempt at levity highlighted Pratt's absence. In addition, it was as if Pratt had been the final link with Michael. As long as he had been there, Michael's absence was not obvious but now that he was gone, the final trace of Michael was gone.

She was standing talking to Lucien while Ray mingled. Everybody was so glad to see him. She scanned the room and saw Ray deep in conversation with Haleh at the end of the bar and her heart soared once more. She smiled as he caught her eye and winked as he took a drink from his beer bottle.

Yes, some things were like old times and yet even that was different. She no longer had any guilt when she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. Oh, Joy!

Neela saw Sam and Gates enter and she held her breath. Gates waved at her then followed Sam who was making a beeline for the bar. Ray and Gates meeting for the first time in such a public forum, was not ideal. She only hoped they could be civil. She noticed Sam talking quietly to Gates then they both glanced over at Haleh and Ray. While Gates ordered drinks, Sam made her way to the end of the bar and threw her arms around Ray. Then she engaged Haleh and Ray in some banter. Neela could not hear what they were talking about but she knew it was good humoured.

She saw Gates carrying a tray and making his way slowly towards the others.

He proffered the tray and Ray graciously accepted a bottle of beer and nodded his thanks. Lending one ear to Lucien, Neela observed the drama that was unfolding the other side of the barroom. Sam appeared to have things under control so she stayed where she was.

After a while, Neela noticed that Sam and Halleh were huddled together talking and the two men leaning with their backs against the bar stood side-by-side talking quietly. She wondered should she go over but Lucien saw her glance over, anticipated what she was about to do and stopped her.

"Neela, leave them alone, they need to clear the air."

"But what if they start fighting again?"

"I really don't think that's very likely. Anyhow, you're just going to have to trust them. Sam does."

"They're men; they probably won't talk about what they need to talk about."

Lucien laughed.

"You're probably right but as long as they make their peace that's all that matters."

She knew, despite the fact that Ray was smiling, he was very uncomfortable and she knew by Tony's demeanour that he was being a 'smart arse'. All she could do was wait and hope. The evening was starting to make her feel very tense. The bar was starting to fill up and she could no longer see clearly, what was going on at the bar counter. She just had to trust that the two men could behave like adults.

Just then, Archie came along and started teasing her unmercifully about her demeanour when he called earlier.

"Dr Dubenko, please be warned, never, don't ever dare to wake Neela. She spits like a wild cat."

"Archie, please, you woke me after five hours sleep, what did you expect?"

"Well at least a cup of tea."

"You said you didn't want a cup!" Neela defended.

"You offered me coffee." Morris replied with a grin and he threw his arm around her shoulder.

"Smart arse!" she said and punched him on the shoulder.

Just then, someone touched her on the shoulder.

"Neela."

She turned and found herself face to face with Katey.

"Katey, h-hi!"

"I hope you don't mind, me just dropping by like this." The other woman shrugged awkwardly. "Ray mentioned you were meeting up with some of the gang and as Ike's is on my route home from work, I decided to pop in and say a quick hello."

Lucien greeted Katey warmly, "Nice to see you again, Dr. Alvaro, how's your residency at Mercy going?"

Katey turned and smiled, "It's going well thank-you Dr. Dubenko."

While Katey's back was turned, Morris raised his eyebrows at Neela and she frowned back at him.

She turned to try to signal Ray and saw him making his way across the bar floor with a face like thunder. What had riled him? Either, things with Gates had not gone well or he was annoyed that Katey had turned up.

'Chill Neela,' she said to herself. 'This is not your problem.'

She just could not help fretting when it came to Ray, she still felt very protective towards him. She noted the look of surprise when he saw Katey deep in conversation with Lucien. She now knew where the problem lay and shook her head. Ray and Gates, would there ever be a real peace.

"Katey, hi!"

"Ray, sorry, I hope you don't mind me popping in like this I was passing the door on the way from the El."

"Not at all, its great to see you," he said as he enveloped her in a big hug.

"You're still at your old place then?"

"Yes, it's not an ideal location anymore but its such a great apartment, I simply could not give it up when I changed to 'Mercy'."

"Brad not with you?"

She grinned, "No he's at home preparing dinner. He was working an earlier shift."

"What are you drinking?"

"I'm not staying, I just wanted to call by and say hi. What with my busy schedule this week, I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to see you again if you can't make Thursday."

"Congratulations, by the way."

"Yes," Neela said, "congratulations."

"Thanks," Katey smiled.

Morris looked puzzled.

"Katey just got engaged to her boyfriend, Brad," Ray explained.

"Congratulations Katey" said Morris and Dubenko in unison.

"I've already invited Ray and Neela so if you two feel like coming along to the engagement party on Thursday night, I'd be delighted."

"Thanks Katey," Lucien said, "that's very gracious of you."

"Yes, thanks Katey, I'm off on Friday so I'd love to come along. Have you any single friends?"

"Morris!" Neela said in horror.

"Hey, I'm a single man!"

Katey laughed. "Yes, Archie, I may be able to point a few friends in your direction, if you promise to behave yourself!"

"I'll be a perfect gentleman, I promise."

Katey's phone buzzed and she checked her text messages.

"Sorry, folks, I've got to go, my dinner is on the table. It was great to see you I hope I see you Thursday."

"I'll walk you to your apartment," Ray offered. He turned and gave Neela a peck on the cheek. "That's OK with you?"

"Of course. See you again soon Katey."

With that, Ray grabbed his coat and headed toward the door with Katey.

'How civilised,' Neela thought as she watched them walk away.

Yes, she admitted to herself, Katey was indeed a nice person and she, Neela could let bygones be bygones. Furthermore, she was definitely going to the engagement party on Thursday, if for no other reason than to see Morris in action.

Just then, she heard a voice behind her.

"It didn't take him long to get back to form."

Horrified, she turned as Sam exclaimed.

"Tony, that is totally out of line."

"What? I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking."

"Actually, we weren't," Morris responded, "Katey's engaged. She just invited us to her engagement party."

"Great, a party, when is it on?"

Neela looked at him in horror as Sam said.

"Over my dead body."

"What?"

"Tony," Sam said, "have you any idea how appalling your behaviour has been tonight? You've been behaving like a school kid. What is it with you and Barnett? Can't you even try to be civil?"

"Sam, honey, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you dare honey me and if you don't know what I'm talking about then you really have a problem. Look Tony, I'm going home." She grabbed her things, "and if you don't come right now, you need not bother coming back to mine. EVER!"

With that, she stormed towards the door.

Tony stared after her open mouthed for several seconds then hurried after her.


	23. Collision Course

Ray was feeling quite pleased with himself as he walked back from Katey's. Things had gone quite well so far. Any anxiety he had about meeting up with his old colleagues had melted away. They treated him the same as they always had. He thanked his lucky stars that he escaped before that asshole Gates could upset him for the night. The guy just had to open his mouth to annoy him.

He felt a tad guilty when he realised how magnanimous Neela had been over Katey. But put simply, Gates rubbed him up the wrong way and always had done. Neela and Katey had, in general, always gotten on pretty well whereas even before Gates had started seeing Neela, Ray could not stand him. He was an arrogant 'prick' who always had to have the last word. Ray had always disliked people like that.

He really had tried this evening but everything Gates said to him seemed to be a dig. Firstly, he had commended him on opting to drink beer and teased him about his inability to hold his liquor. Then he had the audacity to warn him to treat Neela well, the sheer cheek. But he had taken it all until that final comment about staying steady on his pegs. He was so relieved when Sam butted in and insisted Gates apologise. Fortunately, he was able to escape before he lost it. He knew after tonight that he would have to avoid the guy as much as possible. When it wasn't possible he'd just have to watch his temper. He just hoped that Neela would understand.

He figured, she'd noticed that he was annoyed as he was returning across the bar floor. Thankfully, Katey showing up like that had allowed him to avoid awkward explanations. He knew he would have to explain himself later and assure her that he had not said or done anything to upset anyone.

He turned into the doorway of the pub and made his way gingerly up the short flight of steps to the door. It was only three steps but he had to take care. He still needed to take stairs slowly and probably always would. Just as he reached the top of the steps, Sam came storming out the door. He stepped out of the way quickly and reached for the handrail as she rushed past without seeing him. He missed the handrail and felt himself wobble. He steadied for an instant but before he could reach the rail, he toppled backwards and landed in a heap at the bottom of the steps. Just then, Tony emerged and saw what had happened.

"My God Ray, are you alright?" he said as he raced down the steps.

Ray sat up and glared at Tony.

"I'm fine."

"Don't move 'til I check you out."

With this Ray snapped.

"Stay away from me Gates, just get out of my face."

Tony stood stock-still and stared at him then he went into doctor mode.

"I can't do that, not until I'm sure you haven't injured yourself."

"Stay the fuck away from me, I mean it." Ray shouted.

"Don't be a …" Tony stopped in mid sentence and took a deep breath.

"Don't be an ass, were you about to say don't be an ass?" Ray screamed.

Tony took another breath shrugged helplessly and looked Ray in the eyes.

"I don't think insulting you, is the way to go here, do you?"

Ray glared at Tony sullenly but said nothing.

Tony sat down on the steps and spread his hands.

"Look Ray, I'm not sure what to do here. I've tried small talk and that obviously doesn't work, especially when you read something into every single comment I make. So maybe we need to have some straight talking to clear the air."

"What sort of straight talking?"

"Well, for starters, lets get some facts straight.

"What facts?" Ray asked with a frown.

Fact No. 1. I was in a relationship with your girlfriend. Nothing I do will change that fact. That relationship is now over but we remain friends. I'm very fond of her and I want what's best for her.

Fact No. 2. I am now seeing Sam and am absolutely, crazy about her. I am terrified of anything jeopardizing that relationship. But, I fear after my performance tonight, I'm skating on very thin ice."

"What performance?"

"My rather feeble attempt at small talk." Tony said with a lopsided grin. "Just like you, my beloved girlfriend thought I was being a smart ass."

"And you weren't?" Ray asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

"Ray, I was nervous as hell meeting you tonight. Remember, it's the first time we've met since, … well since our big blow up at Abbey and Luca's wedding and … ahem … and your accident," he said with a sigh. He looked down at his hands and continued. "

That incidentally brings me to fact number 3."

"Which is?"

"I've never even admitted this to Sam or Neela" he said looking up, "but look I'm sorry that my behaviour that night was a contributory factor in your accident."

Ray frowned but said nothing.

"Look, I know there's no point going back over the 'what ifs' and the 'maybes' but I do think I needed to express my regret for my part in the whole sorry saga."

Ray nodded; he was too overcome to say anything. He still hated being reminded of that night. He probably always would. He was genuinely surprised to hear Gates accept any responsibility for his part in what transpired. He would have expected it from Pratt and Neela, but never Gates. However, he knew deep down he had only himself to blame. He was drunk and he was careless, that's how he ended up under the wheels of that truck.

Ray swallowed.

"Look Gates, I've accepted a long time ago that what happened that night was my own stupid fault," he said hoarsely.

Gates looked at him and shook his head.

"I really admire you, you know."

Ray laughed.

"No," Gates said, "I mean it. Some of my buddies from desert storm lost limbs. One of them is still in a wheelchair. The others have had varying degrees of success. Most of them it took years to get their life back on track. But you seem to have done most of the hard work in eighteen months."

"The hard work is not over yet." Ray said grimly.

"Probably not, but it's obvious you'll keep plugging away. Nobody else I know has been as tenacious as you have. You really stick at things and don't give up."

"I guess my stubborn streak served me well this time." Ray said with a small smile.

"I guess it did. Look, its getting kinda cold out here." Tony said with a shiver. "Will you please let me check you over so we can get inside?"

"I'm fine, really except for a few cuts and bruises."

"Ok, but can you at least move onto the step and let me check your prostheses."

Ray became uneasy.

"I'd prefer to do it myself if you don't mind."

"Sure, I understand. Here let me help you onto the step."

"Thanks."

Gates looked on as Ray rolled up his left trouser leg and then his right. He checked his prostheses for damage and examined his legs for injury. Then he looked up shyly.

"Like I thought no major damage, just some cuts and bruises and a slightly bruised ego," he said with a sardonic smile.

"Do you need a hand up?"

"Thanks," Ray said bashfully, "Can I buy you a beer?"

Gates was about to refuse but thought better of it.

"Thanks," he said with a smile, "Ray?"

"Yeah."

"Would you mind phoning Sam to explain why I'm running late?"

"Sure, no problem." He said with a shrug.

With that, he took out his phone, scrolled through his phone list and selected Sam's number. Sam answered after four rings.

"Hi Ray, what's up?"

"Do you make a habit of assaulting vulnerable, young men?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"You knocked me down as you were leaving Ikes."

"I did what? Are you ok?"

"Yes, thanks to your boyfriend. I just want to buy him a beer to say thanks, if that's ok with you."

"Is he with you?"

"Yeah, do you want a word?"

"Please."

With that, Ray handed Gates the phone.

"Hi. Where are you?"

"I'm at the EL. Did I really knock Ray over?"

"You sure did, but don't worry he's fine."

"Are you coming back to mine tonight?"

"You mean I'm invited?" Gates asked in mock surprise.

"Well it looks like you and Ray have mended some bridges, so if you promise to behave."

"That's big of you!"

Sam laughed, "I think so."

"Why don't you come back and join us for a drink?"

"I'm tempted but I'm on at eight tomorrow and my train is just coming. Tell Ray I'll catch up with him before he heads back to Baton Rouge. Will I see you later?"

Tony smiled. "You sure you're not too tired?"

"I might be sleeping when you get back but I'd like the company."

"OK. I won't be late. I'll try not to wake you when I get in. See you later then!"

"Got to go, bye."

"OK Barnett," Tony said awkwardly turning to Ray, "let's get that beer!"


	24. Lazy days

Hi everybody. Sorry its been so long. I've had a hectic month so no time for updates. Not sure where this story is heading right now. But here's a little morning after froth to tide you over, 'til I direct this toward some sort of a believable conclusion. Thanks for all support and encouragement to date. Constructive criticism also accepted but not too harsh please.

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The following morning they woke late. What a luxury Neela thought, just to lie back and not to have to be anywhere fast.

Ray lay back, he was feeling quite seedy and realised he'd probably overdone it the previous day, what with still recovering from the virus, the journey from Baton Rouge was stressful enough without going out for beers. His head was pounding and his back and shoulders ached.

Neela cuddled up to him.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"I've felt better, but don't worry, I guess I just overdid it a little yesterday. I'm feeling a bit achy this morning."

"Oh, and that would have nothing to do with your fall of course."

He laughed quietly, "I forgot about that, yes I guess that explains the aches and pains and the heavy head could be the result of one beer too many."

"Yes, you, Gates and Morris got fairly steamed last night. Just as well I was sensible, otherwise we'd never have made it home."

"Morris really let rip. I haven't seen him so bad since that night the balcony collapsed at the end of our intern year."

"He's pretty cut-up about Pratt. It was great that he let his hair down he needs to have some fun."

"I'd hardly call, drinking too much; fun! It can cause a lot of trouble you know." Ray said as he pointed to himself. "But I know what you mean, we spoke yesterday en route here, he's still very upset about what happened. He feels the police really slipped up not having more security for that lawyer."

"Yes, it was actually very frightening how much danger we were in. The Mafia were going to stop at nothing to kill the poor guy. Any of us could have been caught in the crossfire. Abby had a very lucky escape."

Ray looked bemused.

"What do you mean?"

"She had just walked past the ambulance when it exploded. A few seconds earlier and she could have been killed or seriously injured too. As it was she was thrown to the ground and injured her wrist."

"My God, I had no idea, lucky Abby… I missed not seeing her and Luca last night."

"I know, me too, these changes have been a lot to take. But at least we'll see Luca and Abby again. Pratt is gone for ever."

Ray nodded solemnly.

"It was strange not seeing him there."

"Yes, it was."

They were still for a few minutes as they both stared ahead lost in their own thoughts. Then Neela jumped up and swung her legs out of bed.

"Are you hungry?"

Ray shrugged.

"I'll get us some breakfast. I solemnly declare this a duvet day," she said waving her hands in the air turned as she left the room and said, "stay right where you are and relax."

Ray lay back and smiled. Yes, a lazy morning would be nice; but he might suggest doing something in the afternoon if he was feeling better.

Some time later when Neela came in with a breakfast tray, Ray was dozing. She woke him to present a breakfast of orange juice, coffee, cereal, fresh croissants, blueberry jelly and a newspaper. What more could he ask for?

"Did you go out to get the croissants?"

"And the newspaper, yes. Anything for my Roomie" she said with a grin.

"Hey, that's my line!" Ray said in mock indignation.

They both laughed as Neela laid the tray on his lap and got into bed beside him. Then they relaxed and enjoyed their breakfast.

After breakfast, Neela took up the paper but Ray turned over to rest for a while. He knew he had pushed himself a bit far the previous day and needed to rest up to allow his body to recover. The antibiotics were probably depleting him as well and he knew from all his counselling and therapy sessions that it was important to listen to his body. As he shut his eyes he gazed at the alarm clock, it was 11.30am. Maybe by the afternoon, he'd feel like getting out for some exercise but right now, he needed to rest. Before long, he was in a deep, peaceful sleep.


	25. A time to doubt

When Ray woke, the room was in complete darkness. He was disoriented and was not sure if it was day or night. Then he remembered, it had been late morning when he fell asleep.

Neela was no longer in bed and because the room was so dark, he presumed it must be early evening at least. He could not believe he had slept all day. He felt annoyed with himself for sleeping so long and he was also a little irritated with Neela for not waking him earlier.

He lay in bed staring into the darkness. He started thinking back over the last few days. It was still barely a week since Lucien had phoned him; things were moving at an incredibly fast pace. Suddenly, for the first time he started to wonder if he was doing the right thing and he felt a knot tighten deep in his stomach.

He had no doubt about his feelings for Neela. Nevertheless, he started to wonder if they were destined to be together. He wondered if they were indeed good for each other. After all just because two people are attracted to each other does not mean they bring out the best in each other.

Had he done the right thing coming to Chicago so soon after her visit? After all, she had indicated that she wanted to take things slowly and he knew she was right. Neither of them should rush headlong into this. There was too much history that could be overlooked if they were too hasty, history that could cause trouble further down the line.

Instead of taking things slowly, he had jumped on the first plane to follow her. For the first time, since they met in New Orleans, he wondered what the future held and if he had made the right choice jumping in so deep so quickly.

Life had been going well in Baton Rouge before Neela showed up. He had felt a certain contentment and acceptance of his lot but he had also been getting on with life. Now everything was in turmoil once more. He smiled wistfully and shook his head. Turmoil and Neela seemed to go hand in hand.

She had said they had all the time in the world. Now, for the first time, he wondered if this was true.

He was not going to sleep anymore so he decided to get up. He sat up turned on the bedside lamp and reached for his prosthetics. His good humour of the past few days had evaporated. He hoped it was just hangover blues.

He really needed to work out. He couldn't go for a run as he only had his regular prostheses with him and he still felt very self-conscious going swimming except at the rehab centre so swimming was not an option either. But, he could go for a walk or better still he could check and see if he could use the gym at County. He needed to do something to shake off this angst. He wondered again what time it was and if the gym was still open. Well, only one way to find out.

He opened the bedroom door and was surprised to discover it was still daylight. He checked the kitchen clock and discovered it was a little after two o'clock. Neela must have blackout blinds. That was why the room was so dark. He wondered where she had gone.

Ah well, it was probably best if he had some time on his own. He showered and dressed. There was still no sign of Neela. He brewed himself a cup of tea and sat by the window allowing the afternoon sunshine to warm him. It was almost three o'clock. For no apparent reason, he started to feel stifled. Panic rose in his chest and he started to breathe really fast. He needed to get out of here. He needed to be alone for a while.

It was a warm Autumn day. Ray threw on his zip-up hoodie, grabbing his wallet and i-pod, he reached for Neela's spare keys and headed out. He walked slowly in the direction of the lake. As he walked, soaking in the early afternoon sunshine, the Clash blared from his headphones. The rhythm of the music and the warm sunshine relaxed him. He arrived at the lakeshore and turned left. He sauntered along slowly not thinking about anything just enjoying the moment. He took no notice at all of where he was going.

He wandered in a daze for some time. Then he noticed he had left the lakeshore and was walking through an area of clubs and restaurants. He recognised a number of venues where he and his band mates had played. He smiled nostalgically. He wondered where they were now. They had contacted him after his accident but he hadn't called back. It was high time he got back in touch, he thought with a smile.

He came to an El station. Without thinking, he entered and bought a ticket. He got on the next train and sat for a number of stops before disembarking. The area did not look familiar and he was not sure what he was doing here but he continued to walk. His i-Pod was now playing an R&B track and he felt quite mellow and did not give much thought to where he was going. The autumn afternoon sunshine warmed his back as he strolled along.

He wandered the streets for some time not knowing exactly where he was going. It was an old warehousing district with many derelict warehouses and some down at heel pubs and cafes. It was not an area he would have frequented during his time in Chicago. Suddenly he recognised a building and his stomach lurched.

What had brought him back here?


	26. Missing in action

I'm winding this story to a conclusion. Just a few more chapters. Hope you enjoy and thanks for all the great reviews. I am willing to accept constructive criticism.

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It was after three when Neela arrived at the apartment. Grocery shopping had taken longer than intended, as she really wanted to cook something nice for Ray. She had been practicing some of her grandmother's recipes and was looking forward to surprising him with some authentic Indian cooking. She smiled to herself. The fact that she could cook anything at all palatable would be a welcome treat for Ray!

She was surprised that the apartment was still quiet. She thought about waking Ray but decided to leave him for another while. Once she started making noise, he would probably wake up of his own accord. If he had not moved by 3.30pm, she would call him.

She turned on the stereo, stowed the Indian beer in the fridge and set about her preparations not worried about making noise. First, she made a marinade for the chicken. While the chicken was marinading she set about the vegetables. She washed, peeled and chopped the potatoes. Then she decided to take a break.

She filled the kettle and put it on the stove. Then she went to rouse Ray. The bedroom was in darkness. She called but got no reply. Then she noticed that there did not appear to be anybody in the bed. She switched on the light. Sure enough the bed was empty. Ray must have gone out.

She went back to the kitchen got a cup of tea and stood looking out the window allowing the warm afternoon sunshine to caress her face. Not for the first time, she wished that she had a balcony.

When she finished her tea, she returned to her preparations. No doubt Ray would be back soon.

The afternoon wore on as Neela continued her preparations. She even prepared the dough for Naan bread. When everything was ready she set about putting the apartment to right. She changed the bed clothes, vacuumed, polished and tidied. She would start cooking as soon as Ray arrived. She wondered if she would have enough time for a shower. Knowing her luck, she would be covered in soap suds when Ray rang the front door bell. Then she noticed he had taken the spare key. That settled it, it was time to pamper herself.

There was lots of hot water so she decided to run a bath. Dinner could wait. She put some mood music on the stereo. Then she lit some candles.

Pretty soon she was lying back in the warm foamy water. This was heaven. Now if only Ray would return to massage her back and shoulders, things would be perfect. She lay back in the tub, closed her eyes and allowed the romantic atmosphere to wash over her. She didn't have a care in the world.

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There was a loud click and Neela woke with a start. The bath water had grown quite cool.

"Ray is that you?", she called. But there was no reply. She noticed the music had stopped. The sound as the stereo clicked off must have woken her. Ray had not returned yet. She stepped out of the bath and wrapped herself in a large bath sheet. She dried and pampered herself before she headed to the bedroom dressed in a bathrobe with her hair in a turban.

Just then the doorbell went. She ran and opened the door. "Where have you been, did you forget you took my spare key?" she exclaimed as she opened the door. Then she looked at her guest. It was Simon Brenner.

"S-simon, what are you doing here?"

"Hi Neela, sorry, this is obviously a bad time," he said noting her attire, "I should probably have called first… it was just… Well, I've just moved in around the corner and … ah … as I have not unpacked my kitchen yet, ehm… I was wondering, if you'd like to go for something to eat?"

Neela looked at Simon with a baffled expression.

"How did you even know where I lived?"

"You told me. You recommended the area when I mentioned I was house hunting."

"Oh, right. Look Simon, you should have phoned. I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to get back."

"Your boyfriend? I, I didn't realize you were seeing anybody."

Neela noted what could have been a look of disappointment cross his face. She shrugged but offered no explanation.

"He's a lucky guy, do I know him?"

"No. He's an ex-colleague."

"Right. Well I guess I'll see you at work then."

Neela smiled. "Yes, Simon, see you at work."

As Simon turned and walked away, she closed the door. She smiled and felt all fuzzy and warm as she realized she had described Ray as her boyfriend.

She went into her room and changed into a tracksuit. Then she went to start cooking. It was almost seven, surely Ray would be back soon. By 7.30, dinner was well under way but there was still no sign of Ray. She decided to give him a call to check on his ETA. The call rang out and went to voice-mail.

"Hi Ray. Its just me, I'm getting dinner and was wonderin' when to expect you. Can you give me a call when you get this?"

With that she went to set the table.

It was nearly eight o'clock and she still had not heard from Ray. Dinner was now ready and waiting so she decided to phone again. This time she heard the faint ring. She went toward the bedroom and saw that his phone was plugged into the charger. Damn, he had forgotten to take his phone with him. That indicated he had not planned to be gone for long so where the hell was he?

She decided to call the hospital to see if he had called by the ER. Frank answered the phone.

"Hi Frank, its Neela, has Ray called in there today?"

"Well I didn't see him if he did. Hey Sam, did you see Ray today?"

Sam shrugged and shook her head.

"No Neela, doesn't look like he's been around."

"Can you get him to call if he comes in and if anybody has seen him, could you ask them to call me? He forgot his phone."

"Sure thing Neela."

Her head told her not to worry, Ray had probably lost track of the time. But this evoked memories of that awful week when Ray was missing and despite herself she became anxious. Ray could be thoughtless at times but he was usually fairly considerate when it came to timekeeping.

She sighed as she sat on the couch and turned on Project Runway. She did not know whether to worry or to be angry with Ray. All she could do for now was wait and pray that nothing bad had happened. But the claws of anxiety squeezed and twisted deep in her belly.

"Please Ray, come home safe," she sighed.


	27. A time to remember

**ATime to remember.**

A few hours earlier.

Ray walked over to the warehouse and sat on the metal staircase. He stared into space for a long time not thinking of anything in particular. Then he allowed the memories of that night to flood back. He remembered his optimism as he arrived at the party. For him, it was supposed to be a night of new beginnings. Ironically, it had been a night of new beginnings just not the kind of new beginnings he had been expecting.

As he sat there, he realised that despite all that had happened to him, he was a lot happier now than he had been back then. He felt so much older but oddly not as weary. He remembered what he had said to Pratt as he left the wedding.

"Every time I think I'm turning the corner and know what I'm doing I end up falling backwards again."

That had really been a trying time for him. He was stressed out and going in circles with no clear objective in mind. Pratt's advice to him, that night, had been to go home. What was it he had said again something like "you're done here." Little did he realise that he would follow the advice to the letter. He had indeed gone home. There really had been nothing more to hold him in Chicago. He felt sad as he remembered that was the last time he had seen Pratt. He had talked to him many times but never met his friend again after that night.

Strangely, despite the circumstances, going home to Baton Rouge had been a good thing. It allowed him to get some perspective on his life and to realise what was important. He valued what he had a lot more now. It was nice to be back in Chicago and great to meet up with everybody but sitting here, he realised that Baton Rouge was home in a way Chicago could never be. He smiled. Who'd have thought it, he Ray Barnett was nothing more than a hometown boy at heart.

He stood up and walked slowly along the street, he knew now where he was heading as the evening sun warmed his back. He felt tense but knew he had to do this.

Less than five minutes later, he stood at the spot where his old life had ended and his new life had begun. A wave of sadness washed over him and he felt upset as he recalled once more the horror of that night. Hugging himself, he bowed his head and allowed himself a few moments to grieve. Then he turned around rubbed his hands together and walked towards the bar.

He really did not feel bitter and he had no regrets about where life had taken him. He did not want to go back to being the impetuous, messed-up individual he had been at the time of his accident. Back then, he seemed to run on adrenalin, lurching from one crisis to the next, surviving on very little sleep. He reacted rather than acted. Now he was a stronger, more rounded individual. He had learned many valuable life lessons in the past year and a half and he really had moved on.

He walked in, sat at the bar counter and ordered a beer. He was a very different person to the drunk, angry, disillusioned young man he had been the last time he was here. From what he could recall, the bar was still the same. It was a long narrow space with a bar counter running front to back. There was a pool table about half way down the bar. Then he spotted the piano in the corner right at the back. Strange the way it was tucked away behind the pool table. He wondered if anybody ever used it.

He stood up and walked over. He tried the lid and it was open. He looked around; there was nobody else in the bar. "Sorry man," he said to the barman, "do you mind?" he said pointing toward the piano.

"Not at all, fire ahead if you can play."

Ray sat down and tinkled a few keys. The piano seemed to be in tune. He launched into a simple blues tune his grandfather had taught him years ago. Then he attempted a version of 'I don't like Monday's' that his band used to cover. It was the only Boomtown Rats cover he had ever learned. He was much more of a punk purist than that. He smiled to himself as he thought about his 'almost rock star' career. If it weren't for Susan Lewis and Carrie Weaver, where would he be now?

Then he recalled the notes he had made in Baton Rouge a few days earlier. He didn't have his notebook but he was sure he could transcribe them. He called to the bar man.

"Could I borrow a pen and paper?"

The barman brought over a few pages from an order book and a pen.

Ray took them and started to write furiously.

After a while, he started to play. Gone was the anger and nihilism of punk, what remained was the energy and the angst coupled with the mourning and romantic timbre of the Cajun Country and a smattering of R&B thrown in for good measure. He had always loved his music but this time he became lost in his work. He wrote and played as if in a trance. It was about a journey along the Mississippi, a journey from despair to hope, a journey of self-discovery. It was about love lost and rediscovered, a tale of a spirit emerging from the ashes, stronger and more resilient, an independent spirit. He liked what he had written. He felt a great satisfaction and pride in his work. It was a song of hope.

He called it 'Phoenix Anthem'.

The bar had started to fill when he played his completed composition for the first time. He liked the way it sounded. He wasn't even aware at first of the applause. Then the barman came over and handed him another beer. "It's on the house man; that was some good music."

"Thanks" Ray responded with a grimace, "I wonder could I have a coffee instead, I try not to overdo it if I can help it."

"Sure thing," then he looked at Ray again, "do I know you from somewhere?"

"I don't know."

"Where you from?"

"Baton Rouge."

"No way, I lived in New Orleans for a few years. I decided to move back home after Katrina. Maybe we met down there."

Ray simply shook his head.

"I don't think so; I lived here at the time."

"Oh, you live in Chicago?"

"Not anymore."

"Right," he extended his hand and said "Jim Morris."

Shaking it Ray responded, "Ray Barnett."

"Nice to meet you Ray," he smiled and stopped.

Then he gasped and said,

"Now I recognise you. You were involved in that awful accident just outside."

Ray simply looked at him and said nothing.

"How are you doin' man?"

"I'm fine thanks."

"I was there that night. I'm glad to see you looking so well. I called to the hospital to check on you the following week but you'd already left."

"That was thoughtful."

"The regulars here wanted to know if you had survived. I didn't get much information but at least, I learned you survived and had headed home."

"Yes. I survived." Ray smiled.

Suddenly, as thought waking from a dream he noticed it was dark outside. He jumped up.

"My goodness what time is it?"

"It's after eight-thirty."

"What? I lost total track of time."

He reached for his phone wondering why Neela hadn't called to check on him. But, his phone was not in his pocket. Then he remembered he had been charging it before he left. He needed to contact Neela but he didn't have either of her numbers.

He'd ring the ER and get somebody to pass a message on. When he got through, he asked to speak to Archie but Archie was off. Eventually, he got Sam.

"Hey, Ray Neela has been pretty frantic looking for you."

"Sam, can you please phone and tell her, I lost track of time and only just discovered my phone was missing. Can you tell her I'm sorry, I'll be home as soon as possible?"

He asked the barman where the best place to hail a cab was. The barman offered to call a cab company for him.

Within a few minutes, he was on his way back to Neela's. He really did not know what sort of a reception to expect and he was not sure if he was yet ready to talk about his experiences this evening. He felt weird. He did not understand why he had gone there but it had really unsettled him. That feeling from this morning was back.


	28. Sorry

**Sorry.**

As he sat in the back of the taxi, he was deep in thought. The entire afternoon had been a surreal experience one that he was not quite ready to talk about yet. He still was unsure if fate had brought him on that journey or if somehow his subconscious had spurred him on.

Whatever the case, it had stirred up a lot of emotions. It had also shown him just how much he had changed since his accident. Things he had once aspired to now seemed irrelevant. Juxtaposed to that, what he now valued, he would once have laughed at. He wondered what had really brought him to Chicago. As he sat there, he wondered if Neela had indeed been the real draw. Maybe she had just been an excuse. He held his head in his hands.

Ideally, he would have preferred a simpler life so why was he complicating it so unnecessarily. Neela was at home waiting for him. That should have made him happy. Instead, he felt uneasy about it. He really did not know what sort of a reception to expect but that was not the cause of his unease.

Whatever way Neela chose to react to his protracted absence was entirely understandable, indeed justified. He would be contrite and apologise because, oversight or not, he had been very inconsiderate. He had not even thought to leave a note to say he was heading out. Then he simply disappeared for hours on end. How could he have been so thoughtless?

The feeling of unease he had before leaving the apartment had returned with a vengeance and he dreaded the thought of spending time with Neela. This puzzled him greatly. All he knew was that he was now even more perturbed than when he left earlier in the afternoon. He did not understand what was wrong. All he knew was his emotions were in absolute turmoil.

There was no more time to ponder. He had arrived. He paid the taxi driver and got out. First, he had to deal with Neela and without going into detail try to explain what had happened this afternoon. He knew also that he would have to have a more in-depth conversation with her before he left for home. First things first. Right now, he had to deal with the consequences of his disappearance this afternoon. He braced himself and prepared for the tirade.

As he put the key in the lock, he was feeling equal parts anxious and guilty. at the same time he felt strangely deflated. He took a deep breath and smiled nervously. It was just nine o'clock as he stepped into the living room.

The first thing he noticed was the smell of cooking. If his sense of smell was accurate then she had cooked something Indian. Then he saw the dinner table set for a romantic dinner for two. Now he felt worse than when he put the key in the lock.

There was no tirade. The stereo was on full blast. She was standing by the stove stirring a pot but she didn't turn around. He presumed she had not heard him over the noise of the extractor fan and the music.

--------------------------------------------------------

She heard him come through the door but she pretended not to. She continued to stir the pot and tried to remain composed but the tears burned. She'd let him do the talking. She sensed him coming closer but still she did not acknowledge him. Eventually he called out her name.

"Neela, I'm so sorry. I really have no excuse. I simply can't explain what happened this afternoon. I just…"

She turned suddenly and he could see the tears in her eyes.

------------------------------------------------

"You just, what? Let me guess," she commented sarcastically, "you had an epiphany and found yourself just having to respond to some mystical call."

He gasped.

She noted the look of surprise and puzzlement that crossed his face.

"I… I guess that's as good an explanation as any," he said.

Now it was her turn to look puzzled.

"Wh… what do you mean?"

He stared at his hands,

"I'm sorry Neela, I guess its just being back in Chicago, my emotions are all over the place today. I… can't really talk about it right now. I…I don't really understand what's going on. But I had kind of a weird day."

"I was so worried. I didn't know what to think. I really thought something awful had happened." Her voice quivered. "Then when I discovered you had left your phone behind …," her bottom lip trembled, she put her hands to her face and the tears began to flow.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know I'd forgotten it. As soon as I realised I phoned the ER to ask someone to contact you. Sam did phone you?"

She nodded but said nothing. He started to cry silently as he felt the enormous gulf opening between them and knew that she could feel it too.

They stood there for what seemed an eternity in awkward silence both allowing the tears to flow. Finally, she looked up wiped her eyes and asked,

"Are you hungry?"

Without waiting for a response, she started to dish up the food. She handed him a plate of food without looking at him and he took it to the table and sat. She turned to fill her own plate, which she brought to the table. She went to the fridge and took out two beers and then took a bottle opener from the cutlery drawer and opened both before joining Ray at the table.

They ate in silence. When he had finished he took a swig of his beer and said shyly.

"Neela, that food was really good."

She looked up and smiled sadly, "it was my grandmother's recipe."

She laughed quietly, "my mother cooks it instinctively but she had to write out the recipe in great detail for me. Thankfully, I got it right. Would you like another beer?" she asked politely.

"No thanks, I'm good."

'What's wrong?' he wondered, 'we're behaving like a pair of strangers.'

They sat in silence once more.

Eventually Neela stood up to clear the table and Ray stood to help her.

When they had loaded the dishwasher, she looked up at him.

"I think, I'll head to bed, I'm exhausted."

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Could you sleep out here tonight?" she asked awkwardly.

"Y… yes, of course, I understand."

"Well, I don't," she turned away as the tears started to flow once more.

She couldn't look him in the eye as she said,

"I'll get you some bedclothes."

She went to the airing cupboard and returned with a pillow, quilt and under sheet.

"Thanks, I… need to get my things from your room too."

"Ya, sure, go right ahead," she said despondently as she headed toward the bathroom.

When she returned to the living room, he was finishing getting his bed ready.

"Goodnight Ray," she called quietly as she went into her bedroom.

"Goodnight."

He stopped himself saying, sleep tight.

It didn't seem appropriate under the circumstances.

After she went to bed, he sat staring into space for a long time. He just could not make sense of what had happened in the course of the day and he really had no idea what he was going to do next.


	29. Another morning after

**Another morning after.**

Neela lay awake for a long time. She was heartbroken. She did not know what had happened but something had changed between her and Ray and she really did not know if they would be able to mend things. She needed to find out what had happened during the afternoon but she knew she would have to wait until Ray was ready to talk. The man who walked back into the apartment this evening was a stranger to her and she did not know what seismic shift had taken place to make that happen.

--------

It was starting to get light when Ray woke on Thursday morning. Considering everything that had transpired the previous day and the fact that he had slept on the couch, he had slept surprisingly well. He still needed to work through what had happened and discuss it with Neela. Things had changed between them and he knew that for once it was his fault. Neela was justifiably upset with him. She was right when she described what had happened to him as an epiphany. However, he still was not fully enlightened as to what direction to go from here and he was not sure if he would continue the journey on his own or with Neela.

He lay back and allowed his thoughts to drift. He recalled the piece of music he had composed yesterday and suddenly the melody filled his head and he relaxed. He was still lying staring into space playing the melody over in his head when he heard Neela stir.

He knew he had to talk to her about his experiences of the day before. He just did not know how to start. If he was honest he was not entirely sure what had happened but once he had worked it out he had to explain. Then he had an idea. If Neela would agree, he knew exactly what they would do today.

----------------------

He heard the bedroom door opening and Neela headed to the bathroom to shower without saying a word to him. While she was in there, Ray put on his prostheses and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

When she eventually came out of the bathroom, he called "Good morning."

She looked up, smiled sadly and said "Hi!"

As she turned to head toward her bedroom, he called after her cheerily.

"Breakfast is ready."

"Thanks Ray, I'll be there in a few minutes."

---------------------------

Neela was still very quiet when she sat down to breakfast. She was dressed in her outdoor clothes but her hair was still damp.

"You look tired." Ray said to her.

"I didn't sleep very well." She looked up with a shrug. Frowning she asked. "Were you comfortable enough?"

"Yes thanks. Your couch is surprisingly comfortable." He answered cheekily.

He hoped he didn't sound too cheerful.

She looked up and smiled.

The gulf was still there but at least the atmosphere was warmer.

"Well this is your last full day here, what would you like to do?" she asked with mock cheerfulness.

"I thought I might go on a tour, I'd love if you joined me."

"Of course," she said with a puzzled frown, "where do you want to go?"

He smiled at her.

"It's a bit of a magical mystery tour. I want to revisit some of the Ray Barnett, Chicago timeline. I'm not quite sure where we're likely to end up just yet."

Neela looked a little exasperated.

He pouted charmingly as only Ray could and said, "humour me, please."

They finished their breakfast in silence. At least it was a comfortable silence.

When they'd finished, Neela said she'd clean up while Ray showered.

Before he headed into the bathroom, he took the last of his antibiotics.

He'd almost forgotten he'd been ill.

Things had moved on a pace since.

It was hard to believe it was only a week since they had met in New Orleans. What a roller coaster week it had been! So much had happened in such a short space of time. Moreover, the ride was not over yet.

-------------------


	30. Where are we going to?

**Thanks to everybody who has read and commented. I am gradually winding to a conclusion. Hope you enjoy the final few chapters. BTW. Sorry for any spelling errors. For some reason my spell checker is swinging from US English to UK English and back. I have proofed as carefully as possible but its possible that the gremlins may have the upper hand in places.  
**

* * *

As Neela cleared away the breakfast things, she felt sad. She was not sure what was wrong but she sensed that something had changed between her and Ray. It was as if they were no longer on the same wavelength. It perturbed her even more that Ray was so calm. She knew they had come to the end of a chapter in their relationship. She just did not know where the next chapter would bring them and she doubted Ray did either. She knew that if they were to connect again then she had to let him take charge today.

--------------

It was after ten thirty before they left the apartment. It was a cooler day than the day before so they were both wearing warm jackets. The first signs of the approaching winter were apparent in the cool breeze. As it was cloudier than the day before the sun was not as warm.

"Do you want me to drive?" Neela asked.

"No, let's walk."

"Are you sure?"

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and simply said "Neela."

She apologized. She could not believe she had practically treated him like an invalid. Ray was well aware of his capabilities and limitations. He didn't need her to fuss.

Leaving the apartment, he led Neela along the same route he had taken the previous day, taking things at the same leisurely pace. When they reached the waterfront, they found a bench and sat for a while, just watching the day go by. Neela stayed quiet. She knew that whatever conversation took place, would be initiated by him. He put his arm around her and held her close. But she still felt sad.

"This is my favorite view of the lake," he said with a nostalgic smile. Then they sat in silence. Eventually he said, "come on let's go!"

He offered her his hand and they walked along once more in comfortable silence.

After a while, he turned away from the water. Soon they were walking through an area of the city she had been in once or twice before. There were some good clubs in the vicinity. As they passed a café/bar, which appeared to have just opened its doors, he suggested they drop in for coffee. When they were seated at the bar, he turned to her and said.

"This is the first venue the band played in after we got together. "

"Really, I never saw you perform here."

He smiled mischievously,

"By the time you became a groupie, we'd moved on to bigger venues."

"What? I was never a groupie," she cried in horror.

He laughed at her reaction, poked her in the ribs, shrugged and said with a sigh,

"I still miss the buzz. Now that I've started playing again, I should try and hook up with some musicians back home."

Neela didn't respond but her deep brown eyes spoke volumes. He squeezed her hand and said, "Thank-you for giving me back my music. Come on let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he said in a grave tone.

He turned in the entrance of the next EL station they came to. While they sat and waited for the next train, he turned to her.

"Yesterday I wandered along this route with no plan. I had no idea where I was going."

"This is where you went yesterday?"

He nodded.

"But why?"

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure."

He turned to her and said, "Can you do me one favor, please don't ask too many questions till we get to the end of our pilgrimage."

"Pilgrimage, what are you talking about?"

"Please Neela, humour me. I hope when we get to our final destination, I'll be ready to talk. I'm still trying to make sense of everything. But at least if I can't explain it, a lot will become clear in the course of the journey."

She was completely perplexed but agreed to go along quietly. There would surely be time to talk later.

The train arrived and they boarded. She knew now it was some sort of nostalgic journey and she was very grateful that Ray had decided to share it with her. Maybe this would help them to get back on track. After a few stops, Ray stood up and she followed. They disembarked when the train stopped. They were in an old warehouse district. Neela presumed there was a club or a recording studio nearby. That was what had brought Ray here.

They walked along a deserted street for two or three minutes and came to a stop outside an old warehouse. Ray walked around the side of the building and went to sit on a metal staircase. Puzzled she joined him and stood in front of him. He started to talk.

"When I left the apartment yesterday I had no idea where I was going. In fact, I didn't even think I knew where this place was. I certainly did not know I wanted to come here."

She looked puzzled.

"You don't recognize it, do you?"

She shook her head with a frown. He looked up at her but as he went to explain, his eyes welled up and for an instant, he couldn't speak. He swallowed. She looked into his eyes and saw the pain. She looked around again and the memories came flooding back. Now she realized where they were. Her two hands flew to her face and she cradled her cheeks as she said in horror. "God Ray, what brought you back here?"

He shrugged and said with a grimace,

"I don't know Neela. Like I said, I didn't plan to come here. I got such a shock yesterday when I realized where I was. I have absolutely no idea what brought me here or how I knew the way. I've thought about it often enough but I've never even spoken to anybody about what happened here that night. It became unimportant given what happened to me later that night. Then, once I returned to Baton Rouge, it had no bearing on my new life. But, I guess I still have ghosts to exorcise and they led me back here."

She looked at him, but she was too choked up to speak.

"You know," he said, "where you're standing right now that's exactly where I was standing the last time I spoke to Greg face to face."

"You mean you never spoke to him again after Abby and Luca's wedding?" she asked in shock.

He smiled nostalgically and shook his head.

"No, no we spoke often. He kept in regular contact. In fact," Ray looked at her and smiled "he was better than you. He kept me up to date on all the goings-on at county. I got an e-mail or text on average once a week and we spoke on the phone at least a dozen times. But the last time I ever saw him was right here.

Strange, how often the last time you see a person, you don't actually realize it's going to be the last time you see a person."

He gave a sad chuckle and shook his head.

"Ha, just imagine as I turned and walked away from here, each of us expected to see the other at work the following week. Instead, what happened, happened."

He looked intensely at her and said.

"Life goes on! The last thing he said to me that night was

'Go home Ray, you're done here.'"

He shook his head.

"You know what, I think he was right. I was done here, I had reached the end of the line. I was just too stubborn to see it. I had been floundering for months, I had lost any real purpose."

"What do you mean?" Neela asked.

"You were the first person I'd ever really fallen in love with. Before you, it was all about scoring, having my ego massaged," he smiled mischievously, "and sex. But then we became roommates, the most mismatched roomies in history."

She shook her head but said nothing. He continued.

"I think everybody else saw I had feelings for you before either of us noticed. Because of Michael, I tried to ignore my feelings and get on with things but I just could not get past you. I tried but the draw was just too strong. Then when Michael died, I wanted to be there but you just would not let me."

"I just couldn't …" Neela started.

He reached out and put his finger to her lips.

"Shh!" he said gently, "You don't have to explain.

Please let me continue.

As I said, I really wanted to be there for you. I realize now that I couldn't. It was causing too many conflicting emotions for both of us. But I really lost the plot when you started seeing Gates. I know now I should just have stood back. I simply did not want to see you get hurt. I now realize that my behavior was probably hurting you just as much as Tony's was. I did not give you space to grieve and I'm sorry."

"You really have nothing to apologize for, I know you were always looking out for me. You were the one I could always rely on, not Tony. He was as messed up as I was back then."

"You know, I arrived at that party so full of hope. I really thought it was finally going to be our night. Then, for whatever reason, things just seemed to spiral out of control. As the night went on they went from bad to worse."

He raised his hands defensively.

"You don't need to say anything. I know that my drunken behavior, that night contributed to the mayhem. But it wasn't just that night. My life had been spinning out of control for a while and I really had started to get rather obsessed about you. At least when you were with Gates, you put him first. I showed no consideration, at all for Katey's feelings. She's a very decent person and I treated her very shoddily."

He blushed as he looked at her and continued with an embarrassed smile,

"I used her to make you jealous."

She smiled and said, "It worked too, Ray."

He smiled sadly and continued.

"Although the circumstances of my return to Baton Rouge were less than ideal. It allowed me to start afresh. I realized yesterday as I was walking around that if I had not had my accident, there would have been another train wreck further down the line. I was drinking too much. I was stressed out. I was lurching from one crisis to the next. If I had continued on that path, I would have ended up in serious trouble. I might even have succeeded in finally derailing my career. Who knows? Come on, lets walk some more."

With that, he took her hand and headed down the street. He talked as they walked.

"I was deeply unhappy Neela, and I expected that getting together with you would solve everything. That was never going to be the case. I realize that now.

Once my band dropped me, you were my fall-back position and it was great. But it became the be all and end all for me.

I really enjoyed those last few weeks we lived together. But it wasn't real nor was it permanent. And if Michael hadn't died, I would have had to move on. However, Michael did die and instead of moving on with my life in any meaningful way, I pinned all my hopes on getting together with you. I never stopped to consider that you might not have wanted that. You might not have been ready. Then I behaved like a spoilt child when I was not getting what I wanted."

Neela stopped walking and looked at him.

"But Ray, deep down I wanted you too."

He shook his head and replied.

"The time was not right and I should have seen that. Instead of that, I put you under pressure at a time when I should have been a friend. I should have been more patient. I'm sorry."

"Ray, you've nothing to apologize for."

"Look Neela, I've accepted that my accident was simply an accident but that I bear some responsibility for what happened.

I shouldn't have been there that night. I should have been partying with my friends. But instead, because I was too busy obsessing about you and feeling sorry for myself, I got drunk, picked a fight and eventually walked out under a truck."

Ray stopped outside a bar and looked at Neela.

"Well, this is where it happened," he said glibly looking towards the road. "This is where my old life ended and my new life began."

Neela shivered and he pulled her close and held her for some time. Eventually he looked down, looked deep into her eyes and said, "Its ok, you know. I really am fine. Come on, this is our last stop."

With that, he led her into the bar.


	31. The Watershed

They sat at the bar. Ray turned to Neela. "I'm hungry, what about you?"

"I've kind of lost my appetite."

"Humour me."

She gave a wan smile. "You order, I trust you. I need to use the bathroom."

---------

A few minutes later, Neela walked out of the bathroom cubicle. She felt wrung out. Now she understood why Ray could not talk the evening before. The day so far had been overwhelming. She hoped this would enable them both to get closure. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked haggard. She could not believe that Ray could come here to sit and eat, this place where he had experience so much pain and trauma. As she held onto the washbasin and looked in the mirror she could feel the torrent rising from deep in her gut. Suddenly she was crying uncontrollably, a deep primal whimper. She remembered that horrible day at the hospital and how helpless she felt. She had been holding onto those tears all that time.

Ray had seemed so broken that day. She wanted to reach out and hold him and help him but she did not know how. The gulf between them had been immense. She really had intended to visit but then her own accident happened and she became caught up in her own life and getting things back on track. God, poor Ray, what agony had he gone through without her. She cried as if her heart was breaking. At that moment she wished she could turn the clock back. If she had the last year to live over again, she would have gone to visit him a lot sooner. Why had she been so selfish and self-absorbed in the recent past? Was she always too self-absorbed, so narcisistic?

At long last the sobs started to ease and as she composed herself, she felt as if a weight had been lifted. She acknowledged that she could not change the past. All she could do was move on.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and her face was red. She always looked so awful when she cried. She splashed her face with cold water and reached for a paper towel. Thankfully she had her purse with her. She refreshed her make-up, sprayed some perfume and brushed her hair. Now she felt better.

When she was finally composed, she made her way back to the bar.

She had been gone for over ten minutes. Ray was sitting nursing a cola, chewing on the straw and staring into space. As she approached, he turned. She could see the worry etched on his face.

"You've been gone a long time, are you okay?" he asked gently.

"I am now," she responded with a smile.

As she sat, she reached over and kissed him gently on the lips. Their lips did little more than touch. He smiled at her. He could see she had been crying but he decided not to probe. At that moment, their food arrived.

"Okay Roomie, dig in."

Ray had ordered two club sandwiches.

They ate quietly. When she was finished, Neela ordered a coffee. Ray sipped his coke.

Neela turned to him and said. "Ray, I am sorry I could not be there for you while you were recovering."

"Neela, you were recovering yourself."

"Yes, but I could have spent time with you before I went back to work."

"I don't believe it would have helped back then." he replied.

She looked at him quizzically.

"Look, for the first few months I was so angry with the world. I used that anger, to move myself forward, to keep fighting, and to keep making progress. Unjustified as it was, I blamed you and just about everybody who had been at the wedding for what had happened. I think I spent most of the first two months telling myself, I would show you. I kept visualizing walking back into the ER and telling you all what I thought of you."

He laughed,

"At least I turned a negative into a positive. It took a lot of time and talking with my counselor to get beyond that anger and to realize that I did not need to be angry to overcome my disability. Those first few months were not pleasant for anybody who had close contact with me but at least all they saw was an angry, sullen man. I think if you had come to visit during that time, I would have hurt you so much that I could have damaged our friendship forever."

He looked into the distance.

"About six weeks after the accident, Greg e-mailed me and explained that he had only just learned from Abby what had happened, enquired how I was and wished me well. He also told me about you. I didn't respond. But for the first time I started to think of others again. I started to feel guilty about my attitude and talked to my counselor about my anger. He helped me put it in perspective.

The following week I wrote to you but it took another three weeks to respond to Greg's e-mail. I'm still not sure why I wrote to you instead of e-mailing."

"You sent me a 'Get Well' card." Neela laughed. "It was more like a note in the card."

"I guess I did not want an immediate response. I know I asked you not to phone but to get in touch and let me know how you were. Those first few e-mails were so full of news but then they became shorter and you wrote less and less."

She shrugged, "Things were hard going for a while. When I went back to work, I was permanently exhausted. Then Abby started drinking so I had less and less contact with her. I became quite isolated for a while. The old gang were socializing less and all I had was work." She clapped her hands on her thighs.

"But listen to me whining; it was nothing compared with what you were going through."

"Don't say that, Neela. My circumstances were tough but not impossible. Furthermore, I had a great support system, what with family and all my friends in rehab. You could have let me know. I could have been there for you. I would have been happy to be there for you."

"Thanks."

"Promise me that whatever happens between us, you'll turn to me if you ever need me. You really are my best friend."

"The same goes in reverse."

"I've one more thing to do before we leave."

"What?"

He simply shook his head and smiled.

Then he stood up and walked to the back of the bar room. He sat at a piano she had not noticed and started to play. This was so different from his usual punk rock repertoire. At times it was R&B, at times it was rockabilly. But there were also shades of punk. She could imagine someone like Pink putting good vocals to it. Debbie Harry would also give it the kind of gusto it needed. She would give it the right edge.

Neela was captivated. She was not aware that Ray was so good on keyboards. She'd only ever heard him playing guitar.

Then he launched into another song, this time there were vocals. As he played, she recognized it. She smiled. It was her song. Yes she was that girl who could never make up her mind, the one in a permanent tail spin.

As he stood up she clapped. He smiled and bowed. Then he came back over to her.

"Thank-you Ray. That was amazing."

"Like I already said, thanks for giving me back my music."

They sat and ordered another coffee.

"I like this old place, its got great atmosphere." Ray commented.

"Does it not bring back painful memories?"

"I was only here once before and I was so drunk, it hardly registered. Now it's like I'm a different person visiting here for the first, actually make that second time.

You know, for the past year, I've been busy building a new life for myself, making the most of what I had left and trying to embrace the new. During that time I was coming to terms with my disability and learning to function productively. I had to draw a shutter down on so much just so I could keep going. I would have driven myself mad if I had been thinking of all the things I'd lost. Now I realize I've lost very little. In fact my life is richer and fuller than it was before my accident.

As I said, those last few months in Chicago, I was very unhappy. Something had to change. Now that I've accepted everything I've reached the point where I can finally reconcile the old with the new. Now its time to reach back to the past and reclaim the good things I have left behind."

"What things?"

"Well my music for example. For a long time, it was a reminder of the reckless, devil-may-care person I once was and although I Iiked what I've become, I missed that person. After these past few days reconnecting with my friends here in Chicago, I realize that person is still a part of who I am and there's no need to draw the shutter down.

That's the other thing. I need to pay attention to the friendships I want to hold onto. I need to remember friends like you, like my friends and colleagues from Cook County Hospital and last but not least, I want to get back in contact with Brett and the band."

He laughed and rolled his eyes, "I don't have to embrace their hedonistic lifestyle completely but I can still connect and have fun with my old friends. Let's face it, even in the bad old days I was not quite as reckless as they were."

Neela laughed and hugged his arm. "I'm glad you've gained so much from this visit. You should talk to your mum about everything. "

"What do you mean?"

"She was worried that you might not have been happy in Baton Rouge, that you might have been hiding out there, running away from something. She was wrong. You just compartmentalized things until you could deal with them. But I think you need to talk to her and explain what's been going on."

"The hazards of living in close proximity to family! Poor mum, she has enough to worry about without thinking that I'm dissatisfied with my lot. Ironically, she is completely wrong. I really enjoy having family close by."

"Well, tell her." Neela turned and looked into his eyes. "Now, we've only one thing left to discuss."

"How about we go home first."

The afternoon sun was starting to lose its heat as they made their way back to the EL.


	32. Rewriting the rules

**Well the final three chapters are written. But now I'm starting to doubt. They might just be too fanciful.**

**Please, please, please, I need constructive criticism. would welcome critical PMs.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**

They took the EL to the station closest to Neela's. It took a mere ten the way they kept topics neutral.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?"

"5pm.

What time do you start work?"

"2pm."

"What about if I call by the ER with you to say my goodbyes then head on to the airport."

"Sounds fine, we could maybe meet some of the guys for lunch beforehand."

"That sounds like a plan. What about this evening, are you still happy to go to Katey's party?"

"Yes. We should at least call by for a while to wish them well."

"We need to pick up a gift."

"We could get something to eat en route."

"Sounds great."

-------------------------------------

It was shortly after four o'clock as Neela put the key in the lock. Their trip had certainly helped fix more than it had broken.

As soon as Ray went in he moved the folded wheelchair to beside the sofa then he sat on the sofa and took off his prostheses. Neela watched him.

"I just want to rest up for a bit, if I'm heading out tonight." he explained.

Neela started laughing. "Ray, you do not have to explain your every move to me."

"Well, after yesterday, I figured I could earn some extra brownie points by keeping you in the loop."

She came and sat beside him, she folded her legs under her, then turned to Ray and said.

"Now that I know what you were doing yesterday and what was going on with you, I can perfectly understand how you lost track of time. It must have been strange and lonely going there on you own."

"It was but, it was also cathartic. I felt I was letting go of the last of my hurts and frustrations. I remembered how messed up I was back then and it was good to realise how far I've come since.

That evening, leaving the wedding, I felt so disillusioned. I could not go any lower. Then I went and sat in that bar and wallowed for a very long time. But despite how pissed off I was, I could not give up on you. I just could not believe that you did not feel something for me. I couldn't believe that what I felt was one-sided especially when my gut kept telling me otherwise."

"It wasn't one-sided, Ray. But I only realised that after you were gone. Then when I saw you in hospital, I thought it was too late for us."

"That's what I thought too."

"And now?" she looked at him beseechingly.

"Right now, I'm simply not sure. That first afternoon I met you in New Orleans, I was so delighted to see you. I really did not expect to feel a spark but I did. I told myself as I drove home that night that provided I saved our friendship I would be happy. That is still the case. In fact, back then, I did not want more than friendship. If I'm honest, I've been afraid of getting intimate since my accident. So this past week has been fantastic. I feel whole again.

But that's not a good enough reason to remain on our current course. Our friendship is too precious to mess with. You are too precious to me."

"That's how I feel too." she responded. "So where to from here?"

"I am damned if I know. But I don't thing a long-distance relationship is going to work for either of us."

"Why not Ray?"

"Because, I think its too much of a strain for both of us right now."

"What has made you change your mind?"

"I thought that would be obvious."

"No. All I've seen is that you were very distant last evening when you came back. But I thought our little tour today clarrified all that."

"All it clarified is, just how much this is no longer home. My home, for the moment, is in Baton Rouge and my life is there too. Your home is here."

"But I could move closer to Baton Rouge when my surgical residency ends."

" When is that Neela?"

"The end of 2010."

"That's still nearly two years away."

Neela looked at him in dismay.

"After all we've been through are you saying that we should just call a halt to things?"

"I think if we start a long-distance relationship that we can't sustain, we'll end up hating each other. I don't want that. Anyhow, long-distance relationships can be a little like Groundhog Day. We'd never move past first base."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"I'm not even going to answer that!

Look! We could agree to meet up three or four times a year and have some fun together. We could meet in a different city each time, just have some fun, no pressure."

"You've thought this through?"

"It was on my mind most of last night.

Look Neela, I'm not saying that we should never be together. I'm just saying that right now may not be the best time for either of us to jump into a full-blown committed relationship. Let's just give ourselves a bit of time. In the meantime lets stay friends."

Neela was visibly upset.

"Ray I can't talk about this anymore. I'm going for a run."

"OK, we'll talk some more later. I'll do some weight training while your gone. Can I borrow your weights?"

Neela went to fetch the weights for him.

"Is there anything else you need?"

"No thanks. Look Neela, please don't be angry."

"I'm not angry, just disappointed."

"You and me both."

"But then why…?

"Neela," he said masterfully, "go for your run, we'll talk again later."

She went to the bedroom to change.

As she was leaving she noticed that Ray was now sitting in his wheelchair lifting weights. She called goodbye.

He turned and said, "we'll work it out Neela."

She nodded and was gone.

-----------------------------------


	33. A new perspective

As Neela jogged along the shores of Lake Michigan, she mulled over everything that had happened in the last twenty hours. She had been so optimistic leaving New Orleans on Monday.

She could not understand why Ray was having doubts now that she was committed. Before she had always been the one holding back. But on reflection, given his track record, Ray had always been quite reserved with her. Even that night he had kissed her, he did not try anything more on. Hmmm maybe having a friend who was also an object of desire was a problem for him. Time would tell if they could work it out. She'd just have to trust him.

She turned up her i-Pod to try and drown out her thoughts. She really needed to switch off for a while. As ABBA's "Dancing Queen" blasted out, she sped up and ran full throtle along the lake shore. It was a lovely evening.

'Cheer up Neela' she said to herself, 'things can only get better.' Ray was right, it was important that they remained friends. OK, she'd give this 'friends only' thing a go for a while and see where it took her. With that she lost herself in the rhythm and ran at a punishing pace.

------------------------------

Back in the apartment, Ray hoped that he had said the right things to Neela. He meant it when he said he did not want to lose her. But he also knew that this was the wrong time to get seriously involved with someone. He still had a lot of personal issues to deal with. His relationship with Neela was too important to thrash on a whim. He had already waited three years, he could wait a bit longer. Patience! This past year had taught him the true value of patience. Now he could only hope that Neela was capable of being equally patient.

-------------------------------

It was after 5.30pm when Neela arrived back. Ray was just getting ready to shower.

"How was your run?"

She smiled,

"Good thanks!"

"Do you want to shower first, you might get cold if you wait until I'm finished."

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all."

"Thanks. You're such a gentleman! And … Ray?"

"Yeah!"

"OK."

"OK, what?"

"Let's go back to just friends for a while and see how it goes. There's one more thing. You're sure your problem is not because we were friends first."

"No Neela, the only problem I have is that we have separate lives at the moment and that is not going to change any time soon. You've already suffered through a long distance relationship which was disasterous for both of us. Lets just cool off and see if we've got what it takes to hold out for the long haul."

She raised her hand. "Say no more. You've convinced me I'll give it a try."

He felt a wave of relief wash over him. Then as he looked at her, standing there in her running clothes, he was captivated. She looked so damn sexy silhoutted against the evening sun that was shining through the apartment window! Even dripping in sweat, no, make that, especially dripping in sweat, she looked amazing. He imagined her naked under the shower and could feel a warm energy between his legs. Was he crazy? What was he thinking? He ran his hand through his hair swallowed and looked at her longingly. He realised in horror that this was going to be harder than he thought. Just as well after tomorrow they would be 900 miles apart.

He saw her blush. Was he that transparent?

She held herself, shivered and said. "I'll just head for my shower."

"Right then," he said cheerily. "How about we park any further serious discussion until the morning and get ready. We need to be at Katey's party by 8pm and we have to get a gift and something to eat first. I wonder is Morris still planning to go?"

"Archie Morris miss a party. Never."

"I'll give him a call and see does he want to meet up with us for dinner."

With that Neela turned and headed into the bathroom.

----------------------------------

The rest of the evening was uneventful but fun. They got an engagement gift. Then they met Archie, Simon Brenner, Dawn and Chuny for an early dinner at an Italian restaurant. Neela noticed Ray and Simon sizing each other up but said nothing. After dinner, Archie, Ray and Neela headed to the engagement party and the others went home. The funniest event of the evening was when Archie started eyeing up a transvestite in the foyer. Thankfully Ray put him straight before he made a fool of himself. Some things just didn't change. Poor Archie. Mind you, by the time Ray and Neela were leaving the party, he seemed to be having more success with Brad's cousin.

On the way home in the taxi. Out of the blue, Ray blurted out,

"that Simon Brenner, what's his story?"

Neela asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, how does a surfer dude from Sydney end up in Chicago?"

"I'm not sure, but he is Anspaugh's nephew. I guess he just wanted to get to know his Chicago family."

"Anspaugh's nephew! That's blatant nepotism."

"Ray, Simon happens to be a damn fine ER doctor. He wouldn't last at 'County' otherwise."

"I guess you're right. Nonetheless. He seems like a bit of a dick."

"Ray!"

With this, Neela started to laugh. Now was not the time to tell Ray about her's and Simon's history but it was obvious that Ray had sensed something. What was it with men and sizing up the competition. It seemed they had a sixth sense when it came to that. Why could they not be as perceptive in other ways?

She had to admit, that it boosted her ego no end to know that Ray might be jealous of Simon.


	34. If you love somebody

Ray slept on the couch again that night. But it was a restless sleep interspersed with dreams of him chasing Neela on horseback and jousting with Morris and that guy Brenner.

Weird.

------------------------------------------

Neela was up first again. But today she breezed into the kitchen before showering. He could hear her singing in the kitchen as he struggled to rouse himself. His head was pounding from lack of sleep rather than from a hangover. He heard her approach and say,

"Wake up sleepy head, its nearly ten o'clock."

He opened his eyes and sat up as she handed him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks."

"You look rough."

"Bring on the compliments."

Neela laughed.

"I'm just going to take a shower. The bathroom is all yours when I'm finished."

"Great."

Ray sat up and decided he'd get breakfast just as he had the previous morning. When Neela came out of the bathroom, the breakfast table was set. She was wearing a tracksuit and her hair was wrapped in a towel.

"Hey. I could get used of this."

"Your wish is my command, milady."

"So. Have we anything more to discuss."

"I don't know. Have we?"

She smiled at him and said.

"Last night was fun. But it seemed strange coming back here and acting platonic."

"I know what you mean."

"Do you still think we're doing the right thing?"

"I think if we do any different for now, we'll destroy any chance of a more long-term relationship. I know at this point in time I'm not ready for a serious relationship and like I said I don't want to screw up my chances with you."

"You're too important to me not to try it your way. So what are the ground rules?"

"Well, considering we're living 900 miles apart, very few actually. Let's, for the moment, keep in contact via e-mail and text and of course we can PM through facebook. Unless its absolutely necessary, lets keep phonecalls to a minimum."

"Ray, that's draconian and if you don't mind me saying so, its smacks of masochism."

"Neela. I really believe we need to do this. We each need space and I really think by limiting contact, we will learn how much we actually mean to each other."

"What about dating?"

"Yes. We should be free to date. Mind you if you go out with that dick from yesterday, I don't want to hear about it."

Neela blushed but quickly said.

"Don't worry, that won't happen."

Ray's eyes widened.

"You've already been with him haven't you?"

"Ray!"

"You have!"

"Ray. I mean it" Neela said angrily, "let it go, I assure you it will never happen again."

"Sorry. You're right its none of my business. But he is a dick."

"You're just jealous.

I see now why you suggest keeping phone-calls to a minimum. That way we're less likely to find out if the other is seeing anybody. Really, I think we should just not discuss dating at all. God Ray, I sincerely hope we're not playing with fire."

"Look Neela, this is the right thing, I know it. If we fall into something too intense very quickly, it will shrivel and die. But if we build things slowly we may have a chance. In the interim, I think we both need to have some fun."

"What about our first get together?"

"Let's say three months time. Time and place to be determined."

"Ray!"

"Come on Neela, where's your sense of adventure? Oh, by the way, you can decide our first venue."

"Wow! That's big of you."

Ray suddenly looked very serious.

"Neela. Look, I'm really sorry about this. Its just, I know I'm not ready for commitment just yet. I still have a lot of emotional stuff to sort through. Bottom line is, I don't want to lose you and this is the only thing I can think of to sustain things."

"I'm willing to give it a try. Anything for my roomie. If I'm to be honest, you've had to put up with far worse from me. At least we're not going to know what the other is up to."

"There is that. Well, is there anything else we need to iron out?"

"No. We'll just have to find lots of ways to keep busy for the next three months."

"That's the idea."

For some reason, Neela did not feel she could touch Ray. It was like they were each surrounded by an invisible barrier. They smiled at each other but did not try to breach the gulf. They were officially on a break from a relationship that had barely even started. It was weird. In some ways it seemed so completely infantile. If she was not convinced of Ray's sincerity, then she would swear this was some sort of kinky bondage game. She blushed at the thought. She hoped with all her heart that they were doing the right thing. Deep inside she just knew they would have to make it work. She glanced at the kitchen clock.

"Good grief. Look at the time."

It was already 11am.

"You still have to shower and pack and I have loads to do before I leave for work. Where shall I arrange to meet the others for lunch."

"Let's not. I'll just swing by the ER to say goodbye. I'd prefer to spend whatever time I've left with you."

Neela frowned.

"You seem to be backtracking already. Are you sure about this?"

"Yes Neela. A long-distance relationship for two years is doomed before we start. At least this way, we are keeping things on ice so to speak and I'm not backtracking. I just want to savour every moment I've left and pray that absence will make the heart grow fonder."

"And to think that I never knew Doc. Rock was such an incurable romantic."

He smiled then turned to gather his shower things.

Ray allowed the scalding water to run over him. It stung all over. Was he crazy to suggest this enforced seperation just when they seemed to be getting things together? Deep down he felt he was doing the right thing but he knew he would love nothing more, right now, than have Neela come in and join him. As he pictured the scene, he could feel the start of an erection and he groaned. He hoped he was not making the biggest mistake of his life. Pray God, that Neela did not think he was trying to punish her. Even with those grim thoughts, he still felt aroused. He turned the shower to cold. No quicker way to cool his ardour, he thought grimly.

Then he started to imagine how it would be if they were to conduct a long-distance relationship. He imagined the initial excitement followed by missed phone-calls, snatched weekends and misunderstandings and he knew that within weeks they would be fighting. Both of them were too impatient for a long-distance relationship to work. He recalled Neela's frustration when Michael was in Iraq and how it had driven her closer to him. But this time was different. They each had more freedom. He hoped he was right and that the gift of freedom would ultimately draw them closer. This enforced seperation, crazy and all as it was, might just work provided neither felt trapped.

-----------------------------------

He felt sad when he thought of the seperation but they had survived the past eighteen months. They'd survive another three and then discuss their options.

---------------------------------

By twelve-thirty, they were sitting in a quiet café just round the corner from Ikes. They talked quietly and savoured each moment. They hadn't touched since the evening before. It felt strange but each was afraid to breach the gap in case they weakened. They discussed possible locations for their next meeting but nothing was decided. That would be Neela's choice closer to the day.

Time wore on and soon it was time to head to Cook County Hospital. They entered the ambulance bay and headed for the doors for the Emergency Room.

Neela turned to Ray. "I'll head up to surgery. Will you call up before you go?"

"Of course, I won't leave without saying goodbye. I'll be up before your shift starts."

With that she headed toward the lifts while he headed in to catch up with his erstwhile colleagues. He frowned as she walked away. They still hadn't touched, not even accidentally. It was as if each was afraid of shattering this fragile balance.

-------------------------------

Neela was just clipping on her bleeper at the admin desk when she saw him get out of the lift.

He smiled and was just about to speak when her beeper went.

"MedEvac coming in. They need a surgeon in attendance."

"I'll head up with you to wait."

---------------------------

As they stood waiting for the approaching chopper, each recalled the many times they had escaped here in the past, both the good times and the bad. It was their special place. They looked at each other but were still miles apart.

Suddenly he caught her by the elbow and pulled her towards him. The sudden closeness surprised her. He placed his other hand under her chin and kissed her gently. She grabbed his coat lapels and pulled him closer.

In an instant they felt the whoosh of the descending helicopter and they seperated. She did not hear what he said as he backed away. He waved as he reached the door blew a kiss and then he was gone.

----------------------------------

She had no time to react as the chopper was down and she had to get into work mode. It was as she reviewed the newly arrived patient that she realised that this enforced seperation might just work. She missed Ray but she knew they would wait for each other. Furthermore she knew that he was right and now was not the time for them but that if they were patient, there just might be a later.

---------------------------------

Ray was seated in his plane seat awaiting take-off. He took out hisi-Pod and put on his headphones. Then he pressed the shuffle button and waited. When he heard the tune that came on, he started to chuckle quietly. It surely was a sign. He could hardly wait til he got home to e-mail Neela. He knew now what their theme tune was, as Sting and The Police sang.

"If you love somebody set them free."

**The End**

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Well everybody, that's it. Thankyou for reading. And thank-you for the encouragement.

Deep down I don't believe a man would be that cautious but I just did not want everything to end neat and tidy. And I especially did not want Neela to put the brakes on this time. I'm not going to press the complete button just yet as I may have a change of heart.


End file.
